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Post by Shannon on Feb 1, 2016 15:37:56 GMT -5
Someone other than Mr. Hanners needs to start a thread on this forum ...
The recent finding of my biological parents has motivated me to complete a song I began many years ago. It was Christmas Eve, and I was suddenly overwhelmed with the thought that those two people must wonder whatever happened to me. I started this song, but never finished it. This is the kind of song that very people will relate to, I suspect, but I'll toss it out there. I hope to work out the melody and arrangement soon.
{NO TITLE YET}
It’s a late night in December I’m sitting by my Christmas tree And not a creature is stirring To keep me company The wife and kids have gone to bed There’s no one else around But there’s something else I’ve got to do Before I lay me down
I’ve been thinking about you lately More than I usually do There’s something about the holidays That turns my thoughts to you But I don't know how to reach you No way to call or write So I stop and say a prayer for you Before I turn out the light
Refrain And I wonder if you’re happy now Do you have a family? Is there mistletoe above your door? Presents underneath your tree? Do you ever stay up late at night And wonder who I am? I wish that I knew how to tell you I’ve become a happy man
It could not have been easy I’ve often wondered how I trust you had your reasons Not that it matters so much now Because I think that this was meant to be Things have gone the way they should And the only thing that I would change is I would tell you, if I could
Refrain So I hope that you are happy now Wherever you might be And if you ever stay up late at night Wondering what became of me Since we parted ways that August night So many years ago Well, I think that I turned out alright I just wanted you to know
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Post by Doug on Feb 3, 2016 19:07:56 GMT -5
I like it.
What does the music go like?
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Post by Marshall on Feb 5, 2016 16:43:29 GMT -5
Yeah. That's very solid, Shannon. Make an mp3 or quick vid, why don't you. Songs always go better with sound. Very well laid out. I like the opening Christmas scene; certainly a time for reflection. My only critical comment is a song like this usually has a little more ache in it. A little dynamic tension. A little more sense of longing. Of course the music of the song usually portrays/enhances the emotion. And we don't have that now. But quite lovely. Good for you.
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Post by Shannon on Feb 5, 2016 17:52:09 GMT -5
Thanks for the comments. I'm still working on the musical aspects, but hope to have at least a rough demo soon.
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Post by Resolve on Apr 22, 2016 12:30:38 GMT -5
Did you ever get anywhere with this, Shannon? I like the lyrics and thanks so much for the back story.
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2016 6:19:26 GMT -5
I really like it, Shannon, and here are some thoughts:
1) I'd get "Christmas" or even "Christmas Eve" in the first line (in place of "December") so the second line could just be "I'm sitting by my tree." "December" and "Christmas" seem superfluous and I think if you lose one of them, it doesn't overload the listener. You're telling a heavy story and want to ease the listener into it. Sticking those two words in the first two lines takes up too much space in the listener's brain.
2) This is a heck of a story, but for much of the song, I'm thinking the protagonist is talking about a lost love. The only hint that that's not the case comes in the first chorus, with the line, "And wonder who I am." I think a listener could easily miss that and still think the song is about a former paramour. The next verse doesn't really clear it up because it could be read as talking about a lost love.
3) Even the last chorus doesn't clear up the adoption angle because its key wording -- "And if you ever stay up late at night/Wondering what became of me/Since we parted ways that August night/So many years ago" -- could also be read to be talking about a lost love. That is mainly because of the "we parted ways" line. Lovers part ways. A newborn doesn't part ways with its mother.
Personally (and this is just one guy's opinion, and that opinion doesn't count for much in these parts) I think you would have a KILLER song if you spent the first verses and first chorus using wording that evokes images of longing for a lost love. You hook the listener with that. Then, in the last verse, make it explicit that he's talking about another type of longing. You reel the listener in with that and you've just landed a big one. That song would have real impact.
You've got the makings of a VERY powerful story here, and it is a subject you don't often hear dealt with in song. I hope you keep at it. Have you recorded it yet?
And if you haven't done so since your original post, come up with a title. A title is the song's rudder.
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Post by Shannon on Sept 17, 2019 15:45:51 GMT -5
Those are some great comments and suggestions. As you can see, 3 years have gone by since I made the original post. I've made some small revisions. What do you think?
I WANTED YOU TO KNOW
It’s late at night on Christmas Eve I’m sitting by the tree And not a creature is stirring To keep me company The wife and kids have gone to bed There’s no one else around But there’s something else I’ve got to do Before I lay me down
I’ve been thinking about you lately More than I usually do There’s something about the holidays That turns my thoughts to you But I don't know how to reach you No way to call or write So I stop and say a prayer for you Before I turn out the light
Refrain And I wonder if you’re happy now Do you have a family? Is there mistletoe above your door? Presents underneath your tree? Do you ever stay up late at night And wonder where I am? I wish that I knew how to tell you I’ve become a happy man
It could not have been easy I’ve often wondered how I trust you had your reasons Not that it matters so much now Because I think that this was meant to be Things have gone the way they should And the only thing that I would change is I would tell you, if I could
Refrain So I hope that you are happy now Wherever you might be And if you ever stay up late at night Wondering what became of me Since you brought me into the world that night Then had to let me go Well, I think that I turned out alright I just wanted you to know
Yes, I think that turned out alright …
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2019 11:04:29 GMT -5
EXCELLENT rewrite. It really packs a punch. I'm glad you kept at it. It paid off with a great song.
Music?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2020 1:15:30 GMT -5
It's impressive Shannon. (Hard to think of you as a Shannon, which is my daughter's name also !)
I'm pretty deep into sequencing, would you like help co-writing the melody and styling it up. (My 'Married Strangers' is an example that I do.) Regardless, I like it a lot. Well done Shannon.
Rgds
Bob
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Dub
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I'm gettin' so the past is the only thing I can remember.
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Post by Dub on Jul 26, 2022 13:52:52 GMT -5
Bob was right, it’s a great song, Shannon. Did you and he ever get together on the sequencing of the melody?
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Post by Shannon on Jul 26, 2022 16:49:13 GMT -5
Bob was right, it’s a great song, Shannon. Did you and he ever get together on the sequencing of the melody? No, we never did. I did record a little home video very quickly; you can see it here. I need to do a proper recording of it sometime, I guess. Now that some time has passed, I think the song holds up okay. If you check the video, that's my 1991 Martin Custom D-62, with maple back and sides. Martin may not have made many maple guitars, but it appears they certainly know how! I love that guitar.
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