Irwinton

[Deleted]

Here's a new one. Written  a small cotton farmer in the Georgia Militia during the time of Sherman's Savannah Campaign (AKA the March to the Sea) and comes to the realization he's fighting to uphold an economic and social system that he doesn't benefit that much from. Don't know if any of them actually felt that way, but I'm thinking that after seeing some of the blood and gore they did, a few had to wonder what the hell they were fighting for.





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m.youtube.com/watch?v=2iAGuZXMtNE
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Lyrics:


Irwinton
© 2017 by David Hanners

Sherman left Atlanta with the 1st Alabama Cavalry
Up Decatur Road marching to the sea
Burned railroads, mills and houses, anything they couldn’t eat
Can’t say we’d do different were we not in defeat

My farm outside of Irwinton is all that I had
It’s where my thoughts retreated when shot rained overhead
Laid waste to our homes, set cotton gins aflame
Charred souvenirs of Sherman’s Savannah Campaign

General Smith said we’d give the Federals their due
We were no match for their Spencers and their Henrys, too
Griswoldville was nothing but a harvest of death
At night young and old alike desert without a breath

Atlanta lay in ruins, Savannah fell without a shot
Nobody’s told me yet what this war’s about
Dandies bring the Africans to work their land for free
Those same wealthy men never did a thing for me

This soil was my life, it's where you’ll bury me
I would defend it from any enemy
Parlor soldiers get the glory, we just get the gore
Smith can have his damn militia; he’ll not see me anymore

[Marshall]

A solid storyline. But, once again, kinda wordy. You have eschewed choruses and bridges. Many times a song can use a break from the same musical pattern. Lyrically, I thought the 4th stanza works great as a bridge. It steps back and eplaines the overarching theme. Might be nice to give it a different musical chord pattern. It would separate it, and then give emphasis to the final stanza.


To my feeling, you get wordy from time to time. Seems like you are hell bent to tell your story, details and all. A noble idea for sure. But a song is a separate thing. It needs to exist for itself. And I think a little mystery is a good thing for the listener. Being literal and telling a complete tale, sometimes can leave the listener tired. We want a song to have meaning. But we also want it to not be work to keep up.

But it's a solid concept song. An excellent early-middle draft.

Maybe I've become to pop oriented. I'm continually trying to make mys songs accessible. I want someone to like it first as a song. Maybe then they'll be interested in peeling back the layers and understanding what the deeper meaning is.

Nobody is knocking down my doors to hear them yet, though.