Post by t-bob on Nov 3, 2011 11:07:23 GMT -5
I wasted some time on the internet earlier this morning. I started out looking for an appropriate quote to put inder under my email signature for both business and personal - not easy. And of course I got... er... sidetracked. Here's the website that did most of the damage and below are the ones from it that I really like.
www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
George Burns
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Rod Schmidt
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
Margaret Smith
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
Lewis Mumford
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
W. Clement Stone
When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.
David Brenner
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis
www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
George Burns
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Rod Schmidt
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
Margaret Smith
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
Lewis Mumford
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
W. Clement Stone
When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.
David Brenner
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis
