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Post by Cornflake on Oct 29, 2006 17:11:39 GMT -5
This song occurred to me and wrote itself in about ten minutes. It was inspired by someone I know.
Me, me, it’s all about me What did you say? That’s nice Me, me, it’s all about me Let me tell you ‘bout my car
My car is an SUV There’s nowhere that it won’t go It makes me feel rough and tough I keep it on the pavement though
Me, me, it’s all about me What did you say? So what? Me, me, it’s all about me Let me tell you ‘bout my house
My house is a real nice house Nicer than yours – ha ha ha My house has a great big pool and a hot tub blah blah blah
Me, me, it’s all about me What did you say? Who cares? Me, me, it’s all about me Even this instrumental...
The universe just appeared one day With a great big bang of boggling force A zillion stars all circle ‘round And what they circle ‘round of course is
Me, me, it’s all about me What did you say? Shut up Me, me, it’s all about me Too damn bad about you
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Post by Marshall on Oct 30, 2006 9:30:14 GMT -5
It's great performance art. What you hear is what you get. Not much developemnt or surprise. But a live listening will conjure up immediate acknowledgement and connection in an audience.
Somehow the line: Let me tell you 'bout . . . , seems a little too wishy washy. The typical me-me person speaks with more agressive excitement than "Let me tell you" would conjur up. "You gotta hear about my . . . ," might work better. Or "I gotta tell you about . . . ." Or somehting like that. Another option might be "You're gonna love this, . . . , "
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Post by davidhanners on Oct 30, 2006 10:15:15 GMT -5
Humor is hard to do in songs, and you have accomplished it here. My only suggestion would be to have some sort of bridge, although I'm not really one to make that suggestion given the dearth of bridges in my tunes. Then again, a bridge might not fit when you've got the line about the instrumental.
In some ways, it reminds me of Bill Morrissey's "Car and Driver."
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Post by Marshall on Oct 30, 2006 10:19:55 GMT -5
A bridge is a good place to step back and "moralize" about the subject at hand. You may or may not want to do that. The moral is pretty implicet all ready. But it might be fun to get a special dig in from the typical listener's point of view.
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Post by Doug on Oct 30, 2006 12:21:46 GMT -5
I like it, Flake, and I could do it at a gig and it would come out fine, but it's too long.
Mac Davis did the same thing with 2 verses and a chorus in "it's hard to be humble"
Maybe shorten it up a little.
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Post by Cornflake on Oct 30, 2006 13:35:49 GMT -5
A possible bridge:
Every song oughta have a bridge To avoid monotony Okay, that's been long enough Let's get back to me
Doug, it's a fast song and it's actually pretty short. I'll see what my bandmates think about the length.
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Post by loopysanchez on Oct 30, 2006 13:42:54 GMT -5
I'll abstain from comment on this one because it's subject matter instantly made me think of a Toby Keith song with a similar hook. :-) It's just not fair for me to judge your song based on my dislike of that guy's music. But I'll tell you this: Your lyrics are much better than his, and any similarities I found upon first reading them were superficial at best.
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Post by Cornflake on Oct 30, 2006 13:43:42 GMT -5
I've never heard Toby Keth, Loop. Does he have one like this?
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Post by loopysanchez on Oct 30, 2006 13:48:12 GMT -5
It's not really like yours at all, except for his chorus, which is "I wanna talk about me", repeated over and over. His is more from the standpoint of a guy who can't get a word in edgewise with his woman, who only wants to talk about herself. To get a feel for it, imagine all the worst elements of new country, mixed with rap, played on the radio fifty times a day for a solid year. You couldn't escape that song.
I'm serious, your song is good, and really has nothing in common with his. I was just posting the comparison as a joke, and a chance to rip on ol' Toby a bit. :-)
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Post by davidhanners on Oct 30, 2006 16:21:58 GMT -5
Toby who? Ya mean that guy that does the truck commercials?
I love the bridge, by the way.
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Post by Marshall on Oct 30, 2006 19:06:01 GMT -5
I've heard the Toby Keith song. It's not bad. It's a completely differnt subject and angle from yours, Flake. But i can see why Loopy thought of that.
Yeah. That bridge does a flip on the whole concept of a bridge. And hammers home the original premise. (Like a sledge hammer to the forehead).
Who needs a moral. If you don't get it, it's because you were too busy yammering about yourself hear anything else.
Well done.
(But i still am not thrilled by the "Let me tell you about" line. take it for what it's worth).
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Post by Cornflake on Oct 30, 2006 20:05:23 GMT -5
"But i still am not thrilled by the "Let me tell you about" line. take it for what it's worth."
I hear ya, Marshall, and you're probably right, but I haven't thought of anything better. Thanks for the feedback.
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Post by Cribbs on Nov 1, 2006 11:41:03 GMT -5
Maybe change the "Let me tell you about" to "Didja hear about..."
As in, "Didja hear about my new car?"
and "Come look at my new house!"
The possessive arrogance is still there, but the wording doesn't sound as normal. When I hear "Let me tell you about", I always think of those old bumper stickers/t-shirts/coffee mugs that I never understood that said "Let me tell you about my grandchildren"
Just my two cents. Other than that, everything looks golden dude!
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