Don't take sand to the beach

[iamjohnne]

One of the kid's buddies was at the house recently. He said his uncle was gonna take him to the beach and he wanted to take his girlfriend. His uncle told him that you don't take sand to the beach. He didn't get it, but when he got to the beach there were plenty of girls. He says now seven years later he understands what his uncle meant. I liked the line.



Don't take sand to the beach
Don't take your peaches to the tree
If you're looking for something
Don't take none with you
You might miss something to see.

It's a lesson that I learned
As a sweet little girl
Sitting at my grandma's knee
When I wanted to go to the dance with somebody
This is what she told me


don't take sand to the beach
don't take beer to the bar
if you're looking for something
Don't take none with you
If you do you won't get very far.

[Marshall]

Works nicely, Johnne. A little on the short & sweet side. Maybe too short, if there aren't musical interludes to draw it out. You could always invent another verse or two and show how the same chorus has universal meaning. Though, it's cute and simple as is.

[Gypsy Picker]

I really like the line and the concept it represents, and as a great metaphor, I think it can stand on its own without either blurring the imagery with the other metaphors (peaches/tree, beer/bar) or explicitly explaining its meaning. I think there's an opportunity here to let the listener discover the meaning through the telling of some stories. You could start with verse 1 as a little girl on your grandma's knee, verse 2 is another story/event, etc. until you finally figure out the meaning in the last verse (perhaps you're now telling someone else not to take sand to the beach). If you had several verses that each tell a story, you could even use one of your metaphors in each verse and in that way have enough seperation between them that the imagery works better.

I hope this doesn't sound overly critical, but as it stands there's just not enough meat to sink my teeth into. I do think this can be reworked into something really wonderful, and I hope you give it a go.

[iamjohnne]

gypsypicker said:

I really like the line and the concept it represents, and as a great metaphor, I think it can stand on its own without either blurring the imagery with the other metaphors (peaches/tree, beer/bar) or explicitly explaining its meaning. I think there's an opportunity here to let the listener discover the meaning through the telling of some stories. You could start with verse 1 as a little girl on your grandma's knee, verse 2 is another story/event, etc. until you finally figure out the meaning in the last verse (perhaps you're now telling someone else not to take sand to the beach). If you had several verses that each tell a story, you could even use one of your metaphors in each verse and in that way have enough seperation between them that the imagery works better.

I hope this doesn't sound overly critical, but as it stands there's just not enough meat to sink my teeth into. I do think this can be reworked into something really wonderful, and I hope you give it a go.

That does not sound too critical at all. I knew it needed more, and now you have given me fodder to work on.

It is a great line though isn't it.

[Jawbone]

If one takes sand to the beach, they shall haul home bolders

Jawbone