"Exit Jane"

[davidhanners]

Here's a re-write of an older tune of mine that went under a different title. I liked most of the lyrics of the old tune, but didn't like the melody I had for it. Finally, goofing around with the guitar one night, I came up with a progression I liked. After cutting a verse or two from the old tune and adding a chorus, I re-christened the song "Exit Jane" and this is it. The moral of your story is even if you think your song's a dog, keep it because somewhere down the line you may figure out how to un-dog it.

EXIT JANE
© 2006 by David Hanners

A wind as wicked as a shot of bourbon
Whistles ‘cross the Nebraska plain
We sit in the truck with the motor runnin’
Nothin’ left to say

‘Cause when we talk it’s just about small things
The cold, the rent, the timing belt
God forbid we should touch something honest
Like how you or I ever felt

Your suitcase is heavy; I set it on the ground
Flip my collar to the wind
As that Old Gray Dog rolls into town
I wonder if I’ll ever see you naked again

chorus:
Bury me in the crook of your neck
Bathe me in your halo effect
Feel the murmurs so hard to detect
Why do you have to go?

I once believed I could divine your thinkin’
Now, you’re blank as fresh drywall
Still, I’ll always be the fool for you
So if you need something, just call

Bus pulls in and it swallows you up
Hope it takes you where you want
I got a hunch your ghost’ll hang ‘round
‘Cause it still has my heart to haunt

(chorus)

A wind as wicked as a shot of bad bourbon
Whistles ‘cross this ancient plain
Ain’t no use tryin’ to reason with
A heart filled with pain
Ain’t no use tryin’ to reason with
A filled with so much pain

[Cornflake]

David, I generally like the verses a lot--and I love the wind as wicked as the shot of bourbon--but the chorus doesn't work as well for me. I don't understand the second and third lines of it. I don't understand why the narrator would say line one if he knows she has to go, which line four indicates that he does. That may just be me.

As for "I wonder if I’ll ever see you naked again," I wonder--at a time of big emotions, is that really what the guy would be thinking? Even if the answer is yes, I wonder if it's the thought you want to report right here. It seems to reduce the woman to a piece of ass he'll miss instead of the one whose absence will cause him pain.

There's a lot I like very much. Just thought I'd state my few qualms.

[Tamarack]

David -- I like it a lot -- the lyrics you have posted here and previously have a brutal but poetic honesty.

The line "I wonder if I'll ever see you naked again" struck me differently, as a lament of lost intimacy, sorta like the "freckles on your back" in one of your other songs.

[Marshall]

I think the "naked" word is unnecesary. And it conjures up other thoughts which take the listener away from the song. Without that single word it works great (for me).

The title, though, wants to be "Why do you have to go?", or
"Bury Me", or "Wicked Wind."

I love the second verse. Timing belts are becoming pass-aye. But the reference is pleasantly surprising, and conjures up a time gone past, which is good. Those of us that remember timing belts are immediately drawn in. (Though you already got me on the bourbon line).