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Post by TKennedy on Nov 19, 2011 14:02:04 GMT -5
A three legged dog walks into a western saloon and says- "I'm lookin' for the man that shot ma pa"
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Post by sidheguitarmichael on Nov 19, 2011 14:17:44 GMT -5
^^^ ;D
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Post by Fingerplucked on Nov 19, 2011 15:07:23 GMT -5
Three men walk into a bar. They stop. They look around. Confused, they turn and leave.
"I didn't get the joke," one says as they step into the daylight.
"Me neither," the other two reply in unison.
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Post by dradtke on Nov 19, 2011 16:41:00 GMT -5
A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He walks to the middle of the room, bends over, and grabs the dog by the tail. He hoists the dog into the air and starts spinning around, twirling the dog through the air by its tail.
"Hey! Hey! What are you doing?" yells the bartender.
"Oh, just looking around."
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Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2011 19:56:06 GMT -5
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. He drinks up and calls the bartender over and asks, "How much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
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Post by Village Idiot on Nov 19, 2011 21:43:45 GMT -5
Sara Jessica Parker walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?" Who is Jessica Parker?
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Post by Chesapeake on Nov 19, 2011 23:41:25 GMT -5
Three guys walk into a barre chord. And, uh,
Okay, I need a little more time on this one.
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Post by sidheguitarmichael on Nov 20, 2011 2:54:37 GMT -5
This guy walks up to the bar, and bets the bartender $50 bucks that he can bite his eyeball. The bartender, figuring that this is the oddest conversation in a week of odd conversations, takes the bet.
The guy pulls a glass eye out of his left eye socket and bites it, before popping it back in.
Grumbling, the bartender pulls out a $50. "hold on", says the guy, " let me give you a sporting chance, I'm not out to make enemies here..." and he bets the bartender that he can bite his other eyeball. Since the guy is obviously not visually disabled, the bartender takes the bet.
In a flash, the guy coughs up his false teeth, and squeezes them together on his right eyeball.
"alright, get the hell out of here..." starts the bartender, before the guy cuts him off.
"No, no, seriously, I'm done... I'll tell you what: I'll totally get you back your hundred. I bet you that... uh... you can line up 5 shot glasses–each a foot apart–on top of this bar, and I can stand on the end and pee in each one, filling them up without spilling even a single drop!"
The bartender, seeing that the guy is serious, thinks about it for a minute, and then replies "You're on."
The shot glasses are lined up, and old one eye steps up on a stool, and then onto the bar. "Double or nothing?" "yeah, sure, whatever..." says the barkeep.
With that, the guy pulls out little one eye, and proceeds to pee...
All over the bar, all over the glasses (barely even hitting any one for more than a split second) and, especially, all over the bartender.
"Yeah baby!" shouts the barkeep, "$200 frickin' dollars; easy money, baby! In your face sucker! WOOO HOOOO!"
At which point the guy on the bar starts cheering with him. "What're you so stoked about?" asks the bartender, "I just took you for an extra hundred bucks!"
"Yeah, that's true" exclaims Mr. fake choppers, "but I bet the guy in the corner over there a grand that I could piss on you and you'd cheer about it!"
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Post by Chesapeake on Nov 20, 2011 13:14:12 GMT -5
Three guys walk into a barre chord. The barretender says, "Why the fretful look?"
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Post by Marshall on Nov 20, 2011 15:04:16 GMT -5
"What the F ! ! ! "
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Post by millring on Nov 20, 2011 15:26:06 GMT -5
Ricardo Montalbán walked into a bar-r-r-r-r-r. It was cover-r-r-r-red with r-r-r-r-rich Cor-r-r-r-rinthian Lay-thar-r-r-r-r-r.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2011 16:57:59 GMT -5
what do a cup of coffee and eric clapton have in common?
they both suck without cream
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Post by paulschlimm on Nov 20, 2011 17:02:33 GMT -5
Connie, that had me laughing. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
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Post by Kramster on Nov 20, 2011 19:25:16 GMT -5
3 non-Muslims walk into a bar...uh...I got nuthin'...sigh..
next..
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Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2011 20:15:51 GMT -5
Connie, that had me laughing. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png) it's funny 'cos it's true.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2011 20:20:41 GMT -5
how many luthiers does it take to change a lightbulb?
only one, but he'll put you on a six month waiting list.
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Post by sidheguitarmichael on Nov 20, 2011 20:37:05 GMT -5
^^^Classical guitarists?
10: 1 to change the bulb, and 9 to bitch about the fact that it's plugged in in the first place.
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Post by prodigalone on Nov 20, 2011 20:42:11 GMT -5
A blind, blond, handicapped Jewish but recently converted Muslim man walks with his shoes on into a mosque while facing north....
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Post by sidheguitarmichael on Nov 20, 2011 20:47:24 GMT -5
Que??? ^^^
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Post by prodigalone on Nov 20, 2011 20:49:59 GMT -5
Equal opportunity offensiveness.. Was working multiple angles.
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