Saturday Funny

[Doug]

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I'm glad to see you've regained consciousness. You probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be o.k., you'll walk again and everything. However, your main "male part" was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it".
The man groans.
The doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new "male part" for you. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch".
The man perks up.
"So", the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want.
I understand that you've been married for over forty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision".
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day and asks, "So, have you spoken with your wife"?
"Yes I have", says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision"?
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

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"We're getting granite counter-tops and a new dishwasher".

[paulschlimm]

Heh. Sheesh.

[Phil N. Theblank]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily-sedated and pain-medicated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.

A young, Student Nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There seems to be nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...


"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"