Too much rhyming?

[loopysanchez]

I've been writing songs long enough now that I'm well aware of my bad habits, one of which is rhyming a little too much. The thing is, sometimes multi-syllable rhymes, or multiple rhymes per line, come to me without even thinking about it. I mean, it's not like I'm forcing them out using a rhyming dictionary to see how clever I can be. Take my latest example, which came to me in about 15 seconds while brushing my teeth this morning. I'm not really sure what it means, but I suppose it's some sort of personal declaration of independence that could pertain to one's career, spirituality, friendships, or romantic relationships. (Sometimes I like it better when the words feel right but I have to ask myself what it's all about):

(© 2007 Don Henderson)

Now I’m learning I can drown fine all by myself
Seems I’ve finally found I don’t need anybody’s help
So don’t try to put these brown eyes up on some forgotten shelf
I can make it through this downtime without anybody else

So, without really trying to do it, I spit out four lines that all rhyme with each other in multiple places--(Drown fine/found I/brown eyes/downtime, and self/help/shelf/else). It just feels like too much, more like a rap ditty Eminem might put out than something musical and flowing.

Anybody have a similar habit, and/or any tricks that might thin out the mix a little bit and make the lyrics more palatable?

[Cornflake]

I like lots of internal rhymes and I don't think there can ever be too many. At least, I've never heard any lyrics where that seemed to be a problem. I've read your lyrics aloud and I don't think it's a problem with these.

I'm not really sure what your lyric means, either. Are you (perhaps unconsciously) picking lyrics based on how they sound at the expense of whether they communicate anything beyond the sound?

[davidhanners]

I don't see a problem. But if this came to you while brushing your teeth, you have to share with the rest of us just what brand of toothpaste you use so we can try it. My toothpaste doesn't inspire anything like this....

[loopysanchez]

David, I use Colgate mint gel. Comes in a red tube, and the gel is green. But don't get your hopes up--It's very rare anything even remotely lyrical comes to me while brushing my teeth. Usually I just end up with clean teeth and fresh breath to start another day of writer's block.

[davidhanners]

Dang. I wish you would've said that the idea came to you while drinking a six of Blue Moon beer. Then I would've had an excuse to go out and buy some.

[loopysanchez]

Does Blue Moon beer help any ideas come to you, David? 'Coz if so, that's all the reason I'd need to pick up a six on the way home from work. (I mean, assuming I can even find that brand here in Baptabama... It doesn't have more than 5% alky-haul in it, does it?)

[Village Idiot]

davidhanners said:

Dang. I wish you would've said that the idea came to you while drinking a six of Blue Moon beer. Then I would've had an excuse to go out and buy some.

The wheat beer? That's one beer I really don't care for. It would taste good if I was stranded on a desert island and that's all there was, though.

Loopy, I don't think over-rhyming is a problem. I think over-rhyming is one delineation of a poem and a song. An overly rhymed iambic pentameter poem can sound awful, a totally rhymed song sounds good to the ear.