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Post by Resolve on Apr 21, 2014 16:55:28 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear about your brother, Dave. Yes, I totally agree with your comment about how much the acquisition and storage/organization and the subsequent culling out of "stuff" takes our time and attention. I've done so much pushing around of "stuff" in the past year and indeed it has taken much time to do so. I truly want to live a more "simple" life...but as crazy as it sounds, it takes work and effort to achieve that simpler lifestyle.
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Post by Resolve on Apr 21, 2014 17:02:00 GMT -5
...my penis is three inches longer. If Verizon will still let you exchange that phone and you know how to deal with a longer penis, I'd suggest trading your new phone in on a smartphone. Congratulations! Thanks...and I'm sure I could...but I will decline the offer.
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Post by Fingerplucked on Apr 21, 2014 17:23:06 GMT -5
Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without my smartphone. I don't use it for scheduling, but I do use it to track cycling and strength training (MapMyRide), walks (Fitbit), and calorie/nutrition counting (MyFitnessPal). The three programs link and talk to each other. Sometimes they let me listen in.
Edit:
And audiobooks. And the audio newspaper.
Another Edit:
And quitting smoking. The phone says it'll be one year tomorrow.
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Post by billhammond on Apr 21, 2014 17:36:08 GMT -5
Sharon and I have actually had an enjoyable time winnowing our stuff down for our move. Sold the house, have buyers for all the furniture and one last yard sale should take care of everything. We're sticking some stuff in a 5x5 storage locker and then what little is left will go with us to Kuwait. (I still have two guitars to farm out to someone, though.) The process of getting rid of all this stuff has made us both realize it ate up a lot of our time to acquire, use once or twice and then find some place to stick it in the basement. De-cluttering has been nice. But then last week I learned that my brother, who lives in Texas, has been diagnosed with something called papillary non-clear cell renal carcinoma, which apparently is just as wicked as it sounds. My nephew says it went undiscovered for quite awhile and the prognosis is not encouraging. It has made me realize that stuff is even less important. Anything that takes away from friends and family had better be worth it. I am so sorry to hear of this, David.
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Post by david on Apr 21, 2014 18:05:45 GMT -5
Mr. Hanners - Sorry to hear about your brother.
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Post by Doug on Apr 21, 2014 18:34:12 GMT -5
Advice from John Prine. Spanish Pipedream (AKA Blow Up Your TV) © John Prine skipped song partsWe blew up our TV threw away our paper Went to the country, built us a home Had a lot of children, fed 'em on peaches They all found Jesus on their own Chris pointed out some years ago that if you fed your kids on peaches that it wouldn't be Jesus they were looking for. So I do that last chorus: We blew up our TV threw away our papers (spoken "Got a pipe")
Went to the country, built us a home
Had a lot of children(spoken "No TV") , fed 'em on peaches
They all found the outhouse on their own
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Dub
Administrator
I'm gettin' so the past is the only thing I can remember.
Posts: 19,863
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Post by Dub on Apr 21, 2014 18:51:02 GMT -5
...But then last week I learned that my brother, who lives in Texas, has been diagnosed with something called papillary non-clear cell renal carcinoma, which apparently is just as wicked as it sounds. My nephew says it went undiscovered for quite awhile and the prognosis is not encouraging. It has made me realize that stuff is even less important. Anything that takes away from friends and family had better be worth it. Oh, David, I'm so sorry. Prayers and positive thought headed his way (and yours).
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Post by xyrn on Apr 21, 2014 21:54:07 GMT -5
Evan, I admit that the Byrds is where I had heard it. But in the 8th grade my classmate told me that it was from the Bible - his parents made him read that passage, especially the "a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing" after he had been caught in the junior high school band room making out with his girlfriend during lunch break. www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+3
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2014 21:54:31 GMT -5
Thanks for the kind thoughts, all. My brother, who is 10 years older than I am, retired last spring as a department chair in the Texas A&M system. He and his wife live on a ranch just outside of Commerce, a little over an hour east of Dallas. They have horses. He was looking forward to finishing some writing and theater projects and I hope to God he gets the chance to do it. He has a lot to give. Apparently, the plan is to shrink the tumor as best they can and remove what they can. It has metastasized and apparently part of it has wrapped itself around some big honking artery or vein or something that surgeons don't like to work close to because even a small nick can be fatal.
I will say this -- the news has made me realize all the more that my decision to take a buyout and for Sharon and I to move to Kuwait is exactly the right thing to do. Life does not get longer. Our time here is finite. I spent 37 years doing the same job and figured I'd go through some withdrawal or adjustment when I left, but so far, nothing.
Still need to get my flight case for my Schwab, though. And I'm even giving some thought to buying a National to take.
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Post by xyrn on Apr 21, 2014 21:59:32 GMT -5
Oh man, I didn't read Hanners' post until just now. I am sorry to hear that, Dave.
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Post by aquaduct on Apr 22, 2014 7:40:06 GMT -5
Sharon and I have actually had an enjoyable time winnowing our stuff down for our move. Sold the house, have buyers for all the furniture and one last yard sale should take care of everything. We're sticking some stuff in a 5x5 storage locker and then what little is left will go with us to Kuwait. (I still have two guitars to farm out to someone, though.) The process of getting rid of all this stuff has made us both realize it ate up a lot of our time to acquire, use once or twice and then find some place to stick it in the basement. De-cluttering has been nice. But then last week I learned that my brother, who lives in Texas, has been diagnosed with something called papillary non-clear cell renal carcinoma, which apparently is just as wicked as it sounds. My nephew says it went undiscovered for quite awhile and the prognosis is not encouraging. It has made me realize that stuff is even less important. Anything that takes away from friends and family had better be worth it. I'm so very sorry to hear about your brother, David. Please count my sympathies. What you say here about stuff is very true and I guess it may even be more true when it's all forcibly taken away from you. In some ways I think it's a blessing that I really don't have the option to sit back and contemplate retirement or what I'll do when I grow up. The days come and I survive. Tomorrow takes care of itself. Through the maelstrom I also discovered what matters. I took an oath many years ago and I've lived up to it. What matters is done. I don't worry about that any more. Whatever I've got left is a bonus that's made sweeter by the understanding of having served faithfully. These days we've been given a ministry of music and we work to benefit our community through it- wherever that may go. We continue to play and through that attract fans that become friends and then become family in the larger community. We don't worry about the size of the community, we just know that somewhere out there one or two people at a time are getting some degree of healing and closure through our sharing of the disaster that is our life. What will we do when that is forced to end? Who knows? But we'll survive that, too.
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Post by mnhermit on Apr 22, 2014 8:51:16 GMT -5
Dave, I hope your brother responds to treatments.
Cyndy, when you figure out how to balance the needs of family vs. needs of self so that one isn't overwhelmed by others or feel like a selfish b@$t@#d let me know. So far my experience is that as long as I feel like a selfish B@$t@#d, but my sisters see me as a self-sacrificing saint I'm probably maintaining the right balance. On the other hand I'm getting real tired of picking up donkey dung. Good luck on your search for balance.
“Before enlightenment, chop wood, haul water. After enlightenment, chop wood, haul water,” - zen teaching koan
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Post by brucemacneill on Apr 22, 2014 8:51:49 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear about your brother, Dave. I truly want to live a more "simple" life...but as crazy as it sounds, it takes work and effort to achieve that simpler lifestyle. Also sorry about your Brother, David. There are a lot more treatments than there were a few years ago so I wish him luck. As to a "Simpler life", Cyndy, yup it takes work. The only good thing I ever learned from a time management book was to look at each thing you're supposed to do and think "What happens if I don't do it?" If the answer is "Nothing", don't do it. If the answer is "Not much", put it off and maybe the answer will become "Nothing" later. Of the things that you really need to do, do the hardest and least fun thing first. That gives you an accomplishment to celebrate while you review the list looking for "Nothings".
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Post by coachdoc on Apr 22, 2014 8:56:41 GMT -5
Despite my atheist tendencies, I think the Bible gets this right: To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. Knowing which time is the right time for which activity is certainly a lifetime full of learning. The bible? Huh, we all know that's the Byrds Um, Pete Seeger?
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Post by coachdoc on Apr 22, 2014 9:02:56 GMT -5
We blew up our TV threw away our paper Went to the country, built us a home Had a lot of children, fed 'em on peaches They all found Jesus on their own?
Mine: Blew up our TV. Threw away the paper Moved to the country(Warner New Hampshire), bought us a home Had a couple of children, fed em lotsa peaches They found Cabot cheeses, out on their own.
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Post by Hobson on Apr 22, 2014 9:28:51 GMT -5
Sorry to hear the news about your brother, Dave.
We don't have forever, although we often act like we do. None of us knows how long we'll be here or what condition we'll be in. I am happy that I retired early and that Mr. H and I have had some wonderful years while we could both enjoy them in good health. What comes tomorrow or next year, I don't know, but I do know that among all of the interesting things we've done, the mundane stuff is important too. Time to reflect, time to enjoy making music, time to putter around the house, time to get daily exercise, time to work in the garden, time to read. It's easy to say that you don't really need to do those things and so of course you can volunteer to give your time away. Just don't give away all of it.
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Post by RickW on Apr 22, 2014 10:50:35 GMT -5
There is not a day goes by that my wife and I don't think about being able to call it quits. Right now, it's a matter of how much we provide the girls for university, then do we want to pay off the mortgage. But yes, it would be fine to pack it in now, and do what I want. But youngest is in grade 11, and would dearly love to get both of them through at least one year of university without accumulating any more debt.
Cyndy, I'm still confused about the source of your angst. You seemed to be pumped with the grandkids coming along, and so into it. Is that becoming too much of a demand on time? Or are you just not sure what it is you want to do? I dunno that a smart phone is going to help that much. Like Jim, I just mine for fitness stuff, and for work. But I would not say it's helping me stay organized or assess priorities.
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Post by Resolve on Apr 22, 2014 22:15:27 GMT -5
Cyndy, I'm still confused about the source of your angst. You seemed to be pumped with the grandkids coming along, and so into it. Is that becoming too much of a demand on time? Or are you just not sure what it is you want to do? I dunno that a smart phone is going to help that much. Like Jim, I just mine for fitness stuff, and for work. But I would not say it's helping me stay organized or assess priorities. Rick, I'm sorry if my OP was confusing. The catalyst for my "musings" has been that my daughter and SIL have recently indicated that a change in SIL's schedule might require additional daycare time for the grand-darling for whom we care. I truly LOVE the time we get to spend with her but I've also started to recognize that now, 2 years into our commitment to her care, my world has gotten very small as I have time (or energy) for little else beyond providing an attentive and stimulating environment for her. Although "one more day per week" did not, I suppose, sound like much to DD and SIL, it made me take a serious look at how this commitment and obligation was impacting my life as a whole. In the end, after MUCH consternation, I told them I couldn't take on another day of her care. There is now a change of events in motion in which they have to find "non-family" care for that one additional day per week that they need. I know this was the right decision for "me" and my daughter and SIL respect my decision...but it's still very hard. I LOVE having these little ones in our family but now that we are nearly 3 years into the grand-parenting role I've come to see that there is some assumption that our love for the little ones is synonymous with being available to babysit whenever the parents ask. Truthfully I'm not so sure I want that "expectation". I know to the "objective observer" it seem like it should be easy to "just say no". But it's not so easy to do so, especially if I have no other "plans" on the calendar when we are asked to babysit. I DO want to spend time with the little ones but I'd like it to be more on "my" terms/timeline. I know that from the perspective of my kids, there is nothing "important" I am doing right now so I think they see my time as expendible. So all this occupies my thoughts right now....how to be a loving/giving parent and grandparent and yet have boundaries so that I can persue my individual interests as well. As far as the discussion about the smart phone...I was thinking about how to manage time better during the day and decided the last thing I needed was another 'distraction" on the cyber highway. I decided that I'd probably spend MORE time on the internet if I had a smart phone but that is NOT what I want to do. I really didn't post this for "therapy" ...I was just wondering if others here have had that struggle that comes from wanting to be of service to others and yet wanting to protect and even be uncompromising about time for self. For me it's even more complicated because I'm not really sure if "time for self" even IS more important/desirable than the time I devote to the little ones. BOTH avenues are "moments that will not come again". I don't want to waste a single second of any of it....but I'm realizing I just can't "do it all".
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Post by RickW on Apr 23, 2014 0:18:59 GMT -5
Understandable, Cyndy. The whole child care thing is such a trial for parents, as we both know. It's money, it's guilt at not being there, it's happiness in knowing that family is there to take care of them. I can imagine how you feel saying no. But you have worked all your life to get some time for yourself.
You never stop being a parent, do you, no matter how old they get.
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Post by Marshall on Apr 23, 2014 6:25:06 GMT -5
I wrote something long and important about this several days ago. Musta missed the create thread button or something.
Anyrate, I feel your concern Cyndy. Grandkids are great. And it's great being a part of their lives. But it's easy to get taken advantage of (sort of). It's not the parents fault. They are overwhelmed with family life (as we all remember what that was like) and looking for easy answers. It's up to us to set boundaries. I know my parents only babysat for us once. And my dad made it clear (through my mother) that that wasn't to happen again. Sue's parents only sat a handful of times. So this is more of a new generation phenom of grandparents being so involved.
For a year we had a daughter and two kids living with us. It was the right thing to do. And fun in many ways. It's good to be there for them when they need us. But it's an interesting point that we have a nicer time now with the kids than when they lived here. Now when they see us it's something special. When they lived here we were just part of the furniture.
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