Local stuff

[Cornflake]

I write a fair number of songs about local topics that I don't post here because, well, they're about local topics. Audiences usually like them a lot even if they're just so-so. People enjoy hearing about their own daily experiences in a song. If you haven't tried writing about local topics, you might want to try it.

This is a talking blues number. It may be mostly comprehensible if you know that Phoenix is building a light rail system, and that construction has had traffic incredibly screwed up for a couple of years now.

I needed to go downtown one day
So I got in the car and I sped away
Not realizing I was doomed to fail
I’d forgotten about light rail

I took Central like a fool
And when I got to Indian School
A flashing sign said: No way, José
And I got rerouted towards east L.A.

Well I tried taking 15th Avenue
‘Cause it looked like cars were getting through
But the traffic engineers were watching me
They shut that too and laughed with glee

So I turned the radio up high
Thinking the Helicopter Guy
Might know some route that would get me through
But he said: Donny, get a clue!

He said down at city hall these days
There are teams of guys devising ways
To make sure traffic’s screwed up everywhere
If not by light rail by street repair

I said: Thanks, Helicopter Guy
And I gave up and I went back home

And it's really just amazing how
The people that I talk to now
All voted no, or so they say
I guess those who voted yes all moved away

[Marshall]

It's a good thing for a song to draw universal conclusions from specific everyday situations. (Even politicians use that technique in speeches. It's a common feature of persuasive writing.)

Anyone living in an urban area can relate to the subject. I like the Helicopter guy.

One thing; The opening lines:
I needed to go downtown one day
So I got in the car and I sped away; are kind of detached. "Needing" something is a compelling emotion. Yet nothing further is developed of that emotion.

maybe something like:
I needed to go downtown one day
There was a late bill I had to pay; or something else specific that creates some sense of urgency and frustration. You could even try to build on it later and have a clock ticking away. Time's running out ! That might make for more poigninacy when the Traffic God (Helicopter Guy) explains the futility of trying to get anywhere. Don't you know? Your elected officials are working against you !


I'd change "Donny get a clue" to "Hey Buddy, get a clue." Donny seems too personal and makes the listener stop and think,"Who is Donny ?" A good song puts the listener in the title roll.

[Cornflake]

Marshall, I think you're right about not using my name. As for the beginning, I'll give it some thought. I like the idea of adding urgency.

I'm inclined to change the last verse:

Well I cannot lie, I must confess
I'm one of those who voted yes
On light rail--and that's a shame
'Cause dammit I've got no one I can blame