Things you wouldn't want to name your kid.

[Doug]

Just came back from Cracker Barrel cause I didn't want to cook.
Hostess was a 6 ft attractive black girl couldn't have weighed 100 lbs about 20ish.  Named Heaven.  I can't but think that that name made growing up hard.  As an adult not as much a problem but as a kid.  And it's got to make filling out government forms a trip. 

I mean I guess it's better than Dweezil or Moon Unit but still. 

[Phil N. Theblank]

Had a guy in one class, his first name was Jack

His last name was Golfe.

[Deleted]

Nevaeh, heaven backwards is being seen.

Locally we have Harry Love, Holly Woods, Harry Dick, and Silver Dollar Sack, who became an accountant.

[Deleted]

Candace Barr. Parents shoulda been taken out and smacked around.

[Village Idiot]

I had to deal with two brothers named Tanqueray and Alazay. The mother proudly stated that she named them after what she was drinking the night they were conceived. Needless to say, what a messed up family. One shot the other's eye out with a bb gun, that's how I became very briefly involved. Two years went by and I got an email saying his brother had shot the other eye with a bb gun. Fortunately he didn't go blind.

I got an email from a school once because they were concerned about a girl's vision. Her name was Hormone. I went to the school, stopped at the office and told them I was there to see Hormone. The secretary told me that her name was Harmony, and if her mother had any more children she sure hoped somebody who could spell would be with the mother when she signed the birth certificate.

[Lonnie]

Bud Grant, legendary Vikings coach... full name: Harry Peter Grant.

[TKennedy]

A respiratory therapist I worked with was named April Shaur.


A mom brought her baby to the Orthopaedic clinic at the county hospital in Mpls when I was a resident. The kid's name was Vagina Sue. We said how did you pick that name? She said oh it just sounded so pretty. I don't think she knew what a vagina was.


One of my fellow residents was Harold Richard Johnson. We called him Harry Dick.

[Dub]

As kids we used to look through the phone book sometimes for funny names. One we found was Orvis R. Clapsaddle. We thought it must be some kind of joke but we looked it up in the city registry at the public library and it was a real guy. He was a lineman for the telephone company.

[frazer]

Mr T. Potts is my favourite. It just tickles me.

Talking of Potts, there is a well-known tenor from Port Talbot, near my home town, called Paul Potts. They made a movie about him.

I hope for his sake he never tours Cambodia.

[theevan]

Daughter of Bill Lear (Learjet, Motorola, inventor of all sorts of avionics): Crystal Shanda Lear.

[aquaduct]

I went to college with a guy named Brooke Trout.

[coachdoc]

We had a gorgeous exchange student from Scandinavia my senior year in HS. Viveca Fuchs. Pronounced the worst possible way. Our school had her pronounce it Fooks.

[millring]

Dar worked with a Virginia Hymen. A guy I work with is Garry Case. He named his son "Justin".

[drlj]

Teaching for 38 years in what was basically an inner city school put me in contact with a lot of strange names. I used to have to write them out phonetically on my lists so I could learn them because the spelling and the pronunciations had very little to do with each other.
Thing is, the great majority were good kids so I got used to the names and after awhile they did not seem all that strange to me.

One day, though, I was working at my desk and a kid whose name had lots of apostrophes in it sat down next to me. He noticed an envelope on my desk addressed to my wife, Barb.

"Barb? What kind of name is Barb?"

"It is short for Barbara. Her name is Barbara and everyone calls her Barb."

"Barb? I never heard of a name like that. People call her Barb? That is just crazy!"
He found that the funniest thing and he would tease me about it every time he saw me right up until the day he graduated.

[dradtke]

A college friend student taught junior high in a small town, and a boy in her class was named Mike Hunt. After the first day, she always assigned a student to read roll call. The kids had all gone to school together since kindergarten and so far none of them had heard the pun yet, but she knew it was inevitable. She didn't want them to hear it first in her voice.

[millring]

"Michael? Michael Hunt? ...is he here?"

[millring]

There's a woman who works on the Illinois tollway named "Vandetta". You don't want to cross her.

[Rob Hanesworth]

My son had a classmate named Mike Hawk.

My wife taught at a school with a student named, phonetically, "shuh thaid" but spelled "Shithead."

[drlj]

Mike Hunt is an easy one. Call the roll using Michael and call the kid Mike when you talk to him. I only called the roll out loud the fist couple of days, anyway. Once the roster is set, there is no need to do that. Roll was the quickest part of each class.

I had plenty of Angels, Princes, Princesses, a Paradise or two, Senator, President, and one kid named Mister. I wondered about the parents and what they were thinking and then I realized they thought they were picking good names. Maybe it was a hope for the future and sometimes, it was the name of a grandfather or grandmother passed on to the kid.

Reacting to the names like they were strange or silly, however, was insulting to the kid, who had nothing to do with picking the name. Most of them had no idea the names might be a bit odd or different. They were just their names. Princess was no different than Sally.

I learned the name and moved on. Pretty soon, telling Princess to give her report didn't seem all that strange to me. By the time I reached year 38, I doubt that I really noticed names like that. I noticed the ones that were pronounced differently than spelled because that was a bit more work for me.

[Rob Hanesworth]