|
|
Post by AlanC on Nov 7, 2017 10:49:14 GMT -5
Has anyone noticed that the traditional funeral and burial norms are changing? It has been a while since I have been to a traditional funeral although I have been to several memorials lately.
I think it's a good thing. I HATE funerals as they are run here in the Bible Belt. The loved one is put on display at the funeral home and everything is attended and orchestrated by those creepy part-time preachers who are always lurking and simpering around the periphery.
Then you have to show up the next day for a interminable funeral at the local Protestant church where the preacher- who often has never met the deceased- stumbles thru his name and the names of the immediate family and then launches into one of his stock turn-or-burn sermons in an attempt to scare the hell out of the rest of us still ambulating around.
Then you all parade across town where the preacher gets another shot at us miscreants and then they finally lower him in the ground.
The new normal for the baby boomers has been cremation with a memorial held at someone's house. Clint's was at a neighbor's attended by friends, family and co-workers. They had a loop of pictures that cycled thru his life, lots of food, alcohol for those so inclined, another loop of his favorite music which was pretty good: SRV, James Gang, lots of classic rock, some gospel groups like Mylon Lefever and Russ Taff-, etc.
Everyone there had the option to visit, meet new people, share stories of Clint, laugh, cry, whatever without it being orchestrated.
We all bemoan certain changes but this change is much more to my liking. I have forbidden Faithful Wife from letting some preacher bore the shit out of my friends and family.
Party on, I say.
|
|
|
|
Post by AlanC on Nov 7, 2017 11:05:36 GMT -5
Oh, and does anyone go to cemeteries anymore? Lisa used to go by her grandmother's grave and put out "fresh" plastic plants every now and then but it has been years since she visited. Does anyone? I think those are going into past history also. Lisa will inherit several plots in the local historic GY (some burials there date to 1812 or so) but I don't care to have my carcass planted there. I tell her I'm gone, burn the husk and move on. If you put me there you won't come visit so what is the point?
My parents donated their bodies to hospitals so we just left them in the hospitals where they died, gathered their few belongings and left. That was it. To me it was a great relief not to have to go to some stupid funeral home to pick out an overpriced casket and to "make arrangements".
They were gone. Why get wrapped up in all that mess? I realize not everyone will agree. My dad went first and we left him there in his room. My sister had a hard time with it and resented my mother even though it supposedly was what he wanted. Sharon didn't agree as he was not all there for a while and she blamed mom. But she seemed OK with them taking mom away and not having to deal with it when she died. I think it was because her and mom butted heads that formed her opinion as to the appropriateness of the arrangements.
I hope this is not a topic that upsets anyone but have any of you other old farts made arrangements for your carcass? I told FW to burn me up and have a party but I don't think she is going to listen. She has always done whatever the hell she wanted to anyway. I think she will go the full monty with me. But I don't think I will be able to do much about it besides haunt her.
|
|
|
|
Post by millring on Nov 7, 2017 11:11:11 GMT -5
Dar and I were just observing and discussing the same thing. We just used fewer words.
I have a good friend who started up a gravestone business. He quit. Nobody's doing it anymore.
|
|
|
|
Post by Doug on Nov 7, 2017 11:11:49 GMT -5
Cremation for us. The plan is to put us in the same big jar to go on Mikel Ann's mantel so she can say see they are still kinky.
Me I don't care. They can dump me out in the desert for the coyotes and buzzards for all I care. If fact I'd like that better than the cremation but I'm sure that's a no go.
|
|
|
|
Post by majorminor on Nov 7, 2017 11:16:01 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by Marshall on Nov 7, 2017 11:18:20 GMT -5
. . . , the preacher gets another shot at us miscreants. . . , As well he should. Well, I understand where you're coming from. In my church, the preachers know the person, or the family and sit down with them before hand and let them talk about the deceased person. Then the pastor cobbles those memories into a celebration of the life of the deceased. It's usually a separate memorial service without the body in attendance. But sometimes there's a dead guy in the room. I haven't made any final arrangements yet. But I like your donate idea. I thought of cremation, but that puts more CO2 in the atmosphere. Some people get natural burial, which is a woven basket and no preservatives. I like the idea of planting a tree over my body as fertilizer. But all that is expensive and the burial has to be within 24 hrs of so, because of the lack of formaldehyde. I like the idea of donating the body to science and planting a tree in the woods somewhere. Have a memorial service at church. Drink beer and wine afterwards. Amen. |
|
|
|
Post by fauxmaha on Nov 7, 2017 11:24:20 GMT -5
Just went to one over the weekend.
It was held in the departed's sisters garage.
(It was a very nice, large and tidy garage, as garages go.)
Brief comments by the departed's brother. Other than that, mostly just milling around and telling stories. I didn't really know the guy...he was my sister in law's boyfriend.
|
|
|
|
Post by Marshall on Nov 7, 2017 11:30:24 GMT -5
Past generations would go to the cemetery on Decoration Day and plant flowers. I remember as a kid going with my mom and grandma to the cemetery, and getting bored while they got on their hands and knees and tilled the ground and planted flowers over family graves. There's some sense of duty and beauty in the remembrances. But our generation is not like that.
My dad has been gone for 27 years. Don't miss him. My mom's still kicking @ 91. When she goes that will kick me in the ribs. I'm sure we'll do a service. She's got her plot picked out and paid for. . . . , now you're making me melancholy. I better call her today.
|
|
|
|
Post by Marshall on Nov 7, 2017 11:35:21 GMT -5
. . . , the preacher gets another shot at us miscreants. . . , As well he should. Well, I understand where you're coming from. In my church, the preachers know the person, or the family and sit down with them before hand and let them talk about the deceased person. Then the pastor cobbles those memories into a celebration of the life of the deceased. It's usually a separate memorial service without the body in attendance. But sometimes there's a dead guy in the room. I haven't made any final arrangements yet. But I like your donate idea. I thought of cremation, but that puts more CO2 in the atmosphere. Some people get natural burial, which is a woven basket and no preservatives. I like the idea of planting a tree over my body as fertilizer. But all that is expensive and the burial has to be within 24 hrs of so, because of the lack of formaldehyde. I like the idea of donating the body to science and planting a tree in the woods somewhere. Have a memorial service at church. Drink beer and wine afterwards. Amen. Maybe I'll make them play my CDs at the party afterwards. That will insure the party doesn't go on too long. |
|
|
|
Post by millring on Nov 7, 2017 11:46:28 GMT -5
I like the idea of planting a tree over my body as fertilizer. |
|
|
|
Post by drlj on Nov 7, 2017 11:47:49 GMT -5
Cremation seems the wisest move but then, where do the ashes go? Who would want a large urn of me on their mantle? Do they get stored in one of those places that look like big marble walls in some cemetery? Does that make any more sense than a burial plot that no one will go to visit? Do the ashes get scattered somewhere? If so, where? Most people would not want to know Uncle Joe's ashes are scattered in the backyard by the petunias--which is why they probably quit growing. That is kind of yucky.
So what do you do with them?
Not my worry, I guess, but we want to have all the plans laid out so that nieces and nephews don't have to decide those things. They can just follow the plan, divide the booty, and be off to enjoy their own lives. I am actually more concerned about what will happen to my guitars than to my body.
|
|
|
|
Post by RickW on Nov 7, 2017 11:50:32 GMT -5
Maybe I'll make them play my CDs at the party afterwards. That will insure the party doesn't go on too long. Brilliance. I'm going to start designing the full multimedia presentation, "The Story of Rick." My music, my stories, my art. They can put a waterproof TV over my niche, and play it 24/7! Thank you, thank you. I love it.  |
|
|
|
Post by RickW on Nov 7, 2017 11:51:40 GMT -5
And Alan, couldn't agree more. My father's funeral was a horror. When our friends pass now, we get together, friends talk, we have drinks, we remember. That's all there needs to be.
|
|
|
|
Post by drlj on Nov 7, 2017 12:01:16 GMT -5
I am old enough to remember that the wake used to last 2-3 days before the funeral would take place. I am not sure when that changed to one day, but it was a very good idea. Some people we have known have opted for a wake in the morning with burial in the afternoon. Others do the burial and then have a memorial service a few days later. People show up, tell a few stories, talk to each other and then go home.
Funerals are for the living and people need closure so I am all for doing whatever brings that about.
Burial practices are changing, though. Maybe there will be a SmartPhone app that will take care of it all on the IPhone XI. Millennials would love that.
|
|
|
|
Post by dradtke on Nov 7, 2017 12:12:50 GMT -5
For years, whenever I attended some funeral with my mother where the casket was open for visitation, mom would nod at the coffin and say, "I don't want that." She was pretty clear. When my dad died years ago the army bought a double plot, so she knew where she'd end up. We had a service at the church, then only our family took the ashes to the cemetery. Then the big extended family gathered at my cousins farm with chicken and beer and we had a picnic. She would have loved it.
I told our kids to throw my ashes in the St Croix. Part of me might end up in New Orleans.
|
|
|
|
Post by drlj on Nov 7, 2017 12:19:12 GMT -5
For years, whenever I attended some funeral with my mother where the casket was open for visitation, mom would nod at the coffin and say, "I don't want that." She was pretty clear. When my dad died years ago the army bought a double plot, so she knew where she'd end up. We had a service at the church, then only our family took the ashes to the cemetery. Then the big extended family gathered at my cousins farm with chicken and beer and we had a picnic. She would have loved it. I told our kids to throw my ashes in the St Croix. Part of me might end up in New Orleans. That is a song idea to be explored. Throw my ashes in the St. Croix and let me float to New Orleans. |
|
|
|
Post by majorminor on Nov 7, 2017 12:29:33 GMT -5
I like the idea of planting a tree over my body as fertilizer. I had no idea anyone but me even knew who he was. Nice! |
|
|
|
Post by Marty on Nov 7, 2017 12:33:58 GMT -5
Or this, either way what you are buried in returns to the earth shortly after you do.  |
|
|
|
Post by billhammond on Nov 7, 2017 12:36:56 GMT -5
Lonnie's memorial service was wonderful -- plenty of great music, a looped video of performance stills playing in the conversational area, touching remembrances by family members and fellow musicians.
Michael Johnson's tribute show at the Dakota was also very memorable and sweet.
|
|
|
|
Post by billhammond on Nov 7, 2017 12:37:55 GMT -5
For years, whenever I attended some funeral with my mother where the casket was open for visitation, mom would nod at the coffin and say, "I don't want that." She was pretty clear. When my dad died years ago the army bought a double plot, so she knew where she'd end up. We had a service at the church, then only our family took the ashes to the cemetery. Then the big extended family gathered at my cousins farm with chicken and beer and we had a picnic. She would have loved it. I told our kids to throw my ashes in the St Croix. Part of me might end up in New Orleans. That is a song idea to be explored. Throw my ashes in the St. Croix and let me float to New Orleans. Or gobbled up by an Asian carp. |
|
