a new 'un

[Deleted]

haven't posted here in a while. so here's one.
needs a lick of paint.

**************

martyr

Stay with me a while
Rise above the vile
Name my final rest
Poured into my chest

Into the orchard I walk peering way past the gate
Wilted scenes for us who couldn't wait
Drained by the coldest caress, stalking shadows ahead
Halo of death, all I see is departure
Mourner's lament but it's me who's the martyr

Pledge yourself to me
Never leave me be
Sweat breaks on my brow
Given time ends now

Into the orchard I walk peering way past the gate
Wilted scenes for us who couldn't wait
Drained by the coldest caress, stalking shadows ahead
Halo of death, all I see is departure
Mourner's lament but it's me who's the martyr

Spirit painted sin
Embers 'neath my skin
Veiled in pale embrace
Reached and touched my face

Into the orchard I walk peering way past the gate
Wilted scenes for us who couldn't wait
Drained by the coldest caress, stalking shadows ahead
Halo of death, all I see is departure
Mourner's lament but it's me who's the martyr

[Cornflake]

Connington, maybe I should quit responding because I usually say the same thing. I like a lot of the lines in this one. There's power in it. I don't come close to understanding it, though, and consequently when I'm through I'm not taking much of anything away with me.

You mentioned once trying to combine some elements of song and poetry. I don't think you're doing a bad job of it but you're almost convincing me that it doesn't work. I'd like to hear what you'd write in a prosier mood.

But that's just me. If your listeners like your approach and can follow you, you should ignore me.

[Deleted]

i think i'll listen to you for a while yet. i have been trying to simplify my writing of late, but it doesn't seem to be working.

in time sir flake, i will write something you like.

[Cornflake]

If I were you I'd aim a lot higher than that.

Keep at it. You have some good songs in you.