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Post by Cornflake on Dec 23, 2007 12:59:47 GMT -5
It's too preachy but it might turn into something.
For a time Jack Daniels Was a friend indeed What started out as fondness though Slowly turned to need I knew I had to change my ways The car wreck was a clue Living like there’s no tomorrow Just might make it true
I remember lots of pills I’m not sure what they were I’d take ‘em and the days and weeks Would all begin to blur I knew I had to change my ways The jail cell was a clue Living like there’s no tomorrow Just might make it true
[Bridge] The earth endures forever So the prophet said But now I'm not so certain It's iffy up ahead
The Arctic Sea in summer Will soon be free of ice It’s 'cause of how we’re living Our kids’ll pay the price I think we ought to change our ways The melting snow's a clue Living like there’s no tomorrow Just might make it true
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2007 13:15:36 GMT -5
i like it, but i'd suggest you scrap the word iffy in the bridge. perhaps uncertain would work? i like the repeated two lines
Living like there’s no tomorrow Just might make it true
it might be preachy, but i think it works. you have a far more direct approach to writing than i, and i think it works for you.
as usual, i'd like to hear this played.
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Post by Cornflake on Dec 23, 2007 17:08:56 GMT -5
Thanks, Connington.
This one wanted to be a 2/4 country stomper, so I had to adjust the lyrics, and I threw out the bridge:
I remember a lot of tiny pills I’m not sure what some were But I’d swallow ’em and the days and weeks Would all begin to blur And I knew that I had to change my ways The red eyes were a clue If you live like there’ll be no tomorrow It just might come true
And there was a time when a whiskey glass Was a real close friend indeed But what started out as having fun One day became a need And I knew that I had to change my ways The car wreck was a clue If you live like there’ll be no tomorrow It just might come true
And the Arctic Sea in the summertime Will soon be free of ice It’s a drunkard’s life we’re living and Our kids’ll pay the price And it’s clear that we ought to change our ways The melting pole’s a clue If you live like there’ll be no tomorrow It just might come true If you live like there’ll be no tomorrow It just might come true
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Post by Deleted on Dec 24, 2007 13:51:54 GMT -5
actually, uncertain wouldn't have worked in the bridge. would you consider changing the bridge and putting it back in? i like the idea of it. i like the reworking by the way.
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Post by Marshall on Jan 4, 2008 9:03:10 GMT -5
[Bridge] The earth endures forever So the prophet said But now I'm not so certain It's perplexing up ahead(How's that for a country lyric )
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2008 9:42:36 GMT -5
aye
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Post by dradtke on Jan 6, 2008 18:13:34 GMT -5
Only Marshall could slip "perplexing" in a lyric and make it work.
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