The End and the Means

[Deleted]

One of my newer songs...

The End and the Means

Tensions rise, tempers flare, every time we start to care
And it’s all just the passion of our dream
Started off just a thought, but now we’re in it and we’re caught
Fighting off the end while we start the means

Early on when we were young, back when life was fast and fun
But somewhere up the road we lost steam
Now I often close my eyes and dream of days before the grind
Fighting off the end while we start the means

And I blame the man I was yesterday for the things I need to do today
For I should have kept it fair, cause I hadn’t done my share
Fighting off the end while we start the means

[bridge]
And your prophets, they’re all conveying
What your future will bring to past, when you recast the dream

The river runs, river flows, and while you’re here your heart won’t grow
And you’re looking for a way to head downstream
And it’s now I realize that your river’s turned to ice
Fighting off the end while we start the means

And I blame the man I was yesterday for the things I need to do today
And though now I’m in despair, I still hope we have a prayer of
Fighting off the end while we start the means

[Hobson]

It seems a bit choppy to me because of the meter.

The third verse seems forced. It's probably because of the third line in that verse. And the internal rhyming of "realize" and "ice" doesn't work for me. The internal rhyming of "eyes" and "grind" doesn't work too well either. Maybe this is intentional, but I expect internal rhyme because of the first verse.

Sad song.

[Deleted]

Thanks for the feedback. I think meter is very hard to gauge when it comes to lyrics as opposed to an actual poem. It's probably something you really need to hear with the music.
"Sad song" - Thanks. That's what I was going for. =)

[Marshall]

I won't comment on meter, because music and phrasing add a lot more dimension.

Much to like in it. The opening line; "Tensions rise, tempers flare, every time we start to care" has a nice grabber in it.

I'm not totally getting the end and the means. I think I do. It's a nice twist of the familiar phrase. Maybe it's because of the start the means. If you've been living for a while (I blame the man I was yesterday) aren't you in the middle of the means? Maybe it's the wrong means, to the desired end. Or a lazy means that points to a bad end; but it's too late to start on a means, isn't it? Or is this a new (start over) means.

I'm being overly rhetorical. But sometimes it's a little thing like that that trips up a lyric from firing on all cylinders.

[Deleted]

Thanks Marshall. I always appreciate your feedback sir.

Yes it's a twist on a familiar phase and I get what you are saying and I hadn't thought of it in those terms. I think I was thinking of the immediate where one party in the relationship is now decided to be looking for a way out. Yes time and years having added to getting to this point, but the actual ending is now happening, hence the fighting and the tension being the real beginning of the end.

I played the song for my buddy at a 4th July bbq and we then recorded it (my kid held the Flip). It's sloppy and I get tripped up in two spots even (must have been the 4 beers beforehand lol). There's a lot of talking and it's not clear in spots, but it will give you an idea of how the melody goes.

We talked about sitting down sometime and trying to get a good take on it. That would be fun.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDm4tVQprtU&feature=channel_video_title

[Marshall]

Nicely done. The meter is totally clear with the music.

I'll play Bill Hammond and say <bring to pass> not, "bring to past."

There's something small that bothers me about your reoccurring closing line. (And that's the most IMPORTANT line in the song). Gramatically it's not quite firing on all cylinders. I was thinkg of something like;

Fighting off the end so we start the means
or
Fighting off the end before we start the means
or
Fighting off the end, starting late on the means (Oooh. I think I like that)

Udder than that it works quite nice. I like it a lot.

[Deleted]

Thanks so much Marshall. Do you think the line would be better if I changed it to something like this?

(I'm) fighting off the end while you start the means

I do also like "so" as well. Much to think about.

So glad you like it.

[Marshall]

Well it's your song. I just toss out suggestions. Take it or leave it.

But it is interesting how a word or two in the right place can make a big difference in the clarity of a song.

[Deleted]

I like it a lot, I thought about changing "start the means" with "start to begin", either way, it sounds great!

[Deleted]

Hey thanks Takaminepwn! That's really nice to hear and it's nice to meet you.

[Resolve]

Really enjoyed the vid, Scruffy. Thanks for posting that.

I like the concept of the song..however, sounds kinda like you've put your words to Honky Tonk Woman.

There was just a thread about that very experience recently...how someone wrote a song and then realized how much the music composition had been influenced by another song he had tucked in his memory banks.

HOWEVER....since no one but me heard that parallel, maybe it's "just me"! ;D

As I've done more writing (and therefore closer listening to others) I've come to realize that indeed a pleasing "rhyme" can be made by just finding the strongest sound in the words (e.g. the "i" sound in realize/ice) without having to have the entire end of the words follow exactly the same phonic pattern.

Too bad these efforts get so "tucked away" in this section. I have to remind myself to keep checking here to hear what others are doing. I really enjoy the actual song posts though so bravo for putting that in here!

[Deleted]

Hmmm... I guess I can hear that a little bit, but I think it's quite different. Different timing on the chord changes (HTW has that F chord thrown in) and melody. At first I thought I heard Amazing Grace in there too.

I actually enjoy finding slant (or imperfect) rhymes. I think it's more challenging. Elvis Costello is great at finding words you wouldn't normally put together. Like his great song Strict Time starts with..

There's a hand on a wire that leads to my mouth
I can hear you knocking but I'm not coming out

And later in the song..

You talk in hushed tones, I talk in lush tones
Try to look Italian through the musical Valium

In Oliver's Army he has this particularly interesting rhyme (don't know if it qualifies as an assonant rhyme, maybe a partial assonant rhyme if there's such a thing).

Hong Kong is up for grabs
London is full of Arabs

Doesn't rhyme perfectly, but still rolls off the tongue and is close enough in sound to work.