Post by t-bob on Oct 25, 2020 11:12:42 GMT -5
Weeks into the pandemic — after the first shocks of news stories and morbid bell curves had settled into a dull dread — I finally clocked a conspicuous absence: my friends.
Many had skipped town. In an effort to stay connected, some hopped from one new app to another — Discord, Houseparty, WhatsApp — before losing interest in virtual socializing. Others dropped off social media entirely.
I missed my family, my friends, my passing acquaintances. The pandemic had scrunched my circle of 150ish casual contacts to two virtual friend groups and my family. And suddenly it took way more energy to keep those relationships afloat.
That problem felt trivial at first. But our relationships are critical to our mental health and our sense of time. They’re where we share love, joy or grief, make memories and mark the passing of days and weeks.
Loneliness, already a problem before the pandemic, is becoming a dire public health issue.
In her U.K. study of time distortion during lockdown, Ruth Ogden found that participants’ “social satisfaction” was closely linked to how they perceived time. Connections with others seemed to make time pass; isolation made it drag.
Thankfully, the safest types of interactions during the pandemic also tend to be great for us mentally, according to Richard Slatcher, a psychology professor at the University of Georgia. His research into relationships during the pandemic suggests a few rules of thumb for our new social lives:
Safe, in-person meetups tend to be the most fulfilling. If they’re possible for you, evidence shows masked, distant meetups in open, outdoor spaces are the safest way to meet in person. Slatcher says keeping those kinds of dates during colder months is crucial. That means getting creative with heat sources or bundling up for walks (and anyway, masks feel better in the cold).
One-on-one get-togethers are better than those with large groups, both virtually and in-person. Zoom amplifies the dynamic: The largest group calls grind even extroverts down. Not only is pared-down socializing safer during the pandemic, but also people tend to prefer smaller groups in real-life interactions, Slatcher said.
Don’t forget to recharge. Some fatigue is normal, but consistent exhaustion or withdrawal from social life can be a sign of depression, Slatcher said. He recommends outdoor exercise as a powerful way to revive yourself, especially during colder months when it’s easy to overlook.
(Magda Azab for The Washington Post)
The key is to balance your social interactions with your own need for rest. Here’s how to do that:
Understand the difference between solitude and loneliness. “If you use that time where you’re alone in ways that bring you joy and peace, then that solitude can have a really positive effect on your life,” Vivek H. Murthy, the former U.S. surgeon general, told The Post in May. But if that time alone makes you feel like something is wrong with you — say, you fear you’re missing out — it can be destructive.
Embrace the humble phone call. Generations have figured out how to stay entertained for hours on the phone. When video glitches start draining you, opt for a catch-up call with one person at a time. Even better, you can do it on a walk.
Social media is great for keeping up, but set boundaries. Instagram is the main way I keep up with people outside my closest circles. But it only takes about a dozen stories for me before it becomes more draining than fulfilling. As soon as that happens, log off.
Adjust the frequency of your virtual hangouts and switch up the activities. There’s probably no perfect frequency of hangouts, Slatcher said. Large Zooms every other night proved to be way too much for my friend group. We cut back to one virtual meetup every one or two weeks and switched from crosswords to online card games or just catching up.
Be transparent and forgiving when it comes to social fatigue. Everyone’s needs and abilities are constantly in flux. Politely decline or reschedule if you’re too tapped out to speak with someone, and be generous when they do the same. Be vulnerable.
Yes, it can take more energy to socialize. But one substantial interaction — an hours-long, masked walk around the National Mall to catch up with an old friend, for example — buoyed me for days more than it would’ve before the pandemic. Isolation had exposed the deep sense of connection I took for granted within my relationships with friends and family. Don’t forget to express gratitude for those connections.
If you haven’t already, make a regular anchor for safe social contact, ideally with one or two people you can really engage with. Keep things masked, outside and in-person if possible, or on a one-on-one call if not. Here’s a guide to navigating new social ground rules while staying safe.
I tend to set aside Saturdays for this, meeting someone at a distance every two or three weeks, and virtually hanging out in between. One great conversation can go a lot further than five group Zooms.
Tomorrow's newsletter: We'll see what our new week looks like, all in one place.
Many had skipped town. In an effort to stay connected, some hopped from one new app to another — Discord, Houseparty, WhatsApp — before losing interest in virtual socializing. Others dropped off social media entirely.
I missed my family, my friends, my passing acquaintances. The pandemic had scrunched my circle of 150ish casual contacts to two virtual friend groups and my family. And suddenly it took way more energy to keep those relationships afloat.
That problem felt trivial at first. But our relationships are critical to our mental health and our sense of time. They’re where we share love, joy or grief, make memories and mark the passing of days and weeks.
Loneliness, already a problem before the pandemic, is becoming a dire public health issue.
In her U.K. study of time distortion during lockdown, Ruth Ogden found that participants’ “social satisfaction” was closely linked to how they perceived time. Connections with others seemed to make time pass; isolation made it drag.
Thankfully, the safest types of interactions during the pandemic also tend to be great for us mentally, according to Richard Slatcher, a psychology professor at the University of Georgia. His research into relationships during the pandemic suggests a few rules of thumb for our new social lives:
Safe, in-person meetups tend to be the most fulfilling. If they’re possible for you, evidence shows masked, distant meetups in open, outdoor spaces are the safest way to meet in person. Slatcher says keeping those kinds of dates during colder months is crucial. That means getting creative with heat sources or bundling up for walks (and anyway, masks feel better in the cold).
One-on-one get-togethers are better than those with large groups, both virtually and in-person. Zoom amplifies the dynamic: The largest group calls grind even extroverts down. Not only is pared-down socializing safer during the pandemic, but also people tend to prefer smaller groups in real-life interactions, Slatcher said.
Don’t forget to recharge. Some fatigue is normal, but consistent exhaustion or withdrawal from social life can be a sign of depression, Slatcher said. He recommends outdoor exercise as a powerful way to revive yourself, especially during colder months when it’s easy to overlook.
(Magda Azab for The Washington Post)
The key is to balance your social interactions with your own need for rest. Here’s how to do that:
Understand the difference between solitude and loneliness. “If you use that time where you’re alone in ways that bring you joy and peace, then that solitude can have a really positive effect on your life,” Vivek H. Murthy, the former U.S. surgeon general, told The Post in May. But if that time alone makes you feel like something is wrong with you — say, you fear you’re missing out — it can be destructive.
Embrace the humble phone call. Generations have figured out how to stay entertained for hours on the phone. When video glitches start draining you, opt for a catch-up call with one person at a time. Even better, you can do it on a walk.
Social media is great for keeping up, but set boundaries. Instagram is the main way I keep up with people outside my closest circles. But it only takes about a dozen stories for me before it becomes more draining than fulfilling. As soon as that happens, log off.
Adjust the frequency of your virtual hangouts and switch up the activities. There’s probably no perfect frequency of hangouts, Slatcher said. Large Zooms every other night proved to be way too much for my friend group. We cut back to one virtual meetup every one or two weeks and switched from crosswords to online card games or just catching up.
Be transparent and forgiving when it comes to social fatigue. Everyone’s needs and abilities are constantly in flux. Politely decline or reschedule if you’re too tapped out to speak with someone, and be generous when they do the same. Be vulnerable.
Yes, it can take more energy to socialize. But one substantial interaction — an hours-long, masked walk around the National Mall to catch up with an old friend, for example — buoyed me for days more than it would’ve before the pandemic. Isolation had exposed the deep sense of connection I took for granted within my relationships with friends and family. Don’t forget to express gratitude for those connections.
If you haven’t already, make a regular anchor for safe social contact, ideally with one or two people you can really engage with. Keep things masked, outside and in-person if possible, or on a one-on-one call if not. Here’s a guide to navigating new social ground rules while staying safe.
I tend to set aside Saturdays for this, meeting someone at a distance every two or three weeks, and virtually hanging out in between. One great conversation can go a lot further than five group Zooms.
Tomorrow's newsletter: We'll see what our new week looks like, all in one place.
