Try Not to be a Dick

[kenlarsson]

Made a new video. Here's the lyrics.

Try Not to be a Dick

I’ve got a temper problem, with things that frustrate me,

I get jacked up and lose it, got no serenity.

Standing in a checkout line or in a traffic jam,

I get pissed off and blow right up, become a crazy man.



Chorus: Yes I’m an asshole, I’m a dick.

I get angry and become a lunatic.



Even when I’m not pissed off, people think I am,

I guess my face makes me look like and angry mean old man.

Or maybe I am really mad and I just don’t know it.

I’d really like to stop this shit but I will probably blow it.



Chorus: Yes I’m an asshole, I’m a dick.

I get angry and become a lunatic.



Underneath the anger there is a lot of stuff,

Fears and insecurities of which I’ve had enough.

Crap that I’ve been working on for many, many years’

Must not want to lose them because they still are here.



Chorus: Yes I’m an asshole, I’m a dick.

I get angry and become a lunatic.



That’s the big dilemma, that’s the source of pain,

I feel guilty after blowups, I keep hoping for a change.

I will keep on trying, I will not quit yet.

But I’m not optimistic, so hold off making bets.


Chorus: Yes I’m an asshole, I’m a dick.

I get angry and become a lunatic.


So much for my problem that doesn’t go away,

I put a sign up in my room that helps me on my way,

The sign it just tells me “try not to be a dick”.

So whoop de do and la de dah, now try to make it stick.......






I also made a video of the old Youngbloods tune. I don't see a cover tunes thread so I'll post it here.

[Marshall]

It's pretty cool. You have a nice sense of melody. Here's a couple suggestions:

1. Don't let youtube choose the photo to be the still of your video. You can do a screen-save of a shot you are smiling on and save that as a jpg. When youtube asks you for a picture upload that.

2. On song structure you have 5 verses and 4 choruses. The verses are cool and funny, but they seem to go over the same ground from different angles. That's OK, but it might be nice to break it up with a bridge maybe. And/or do a double chorus sometime. Just to break up the flow. You don't want to be too predictable. (The "Underneath the anger" verse would work well as a bridge. You're stepping back and explaining something. But as it rolls by like the other verses it doesn't seem special. )

[kenlarsson]

Jul 31, 2022 21:14:49 GMT -5 Marshall said:

It's pretty cool. You have a nice sense of melody. Here's a couple suggestions:

1. Don't let youtube choose the photo to be the still of your video. You can do a screen-save of a shot you are smiling on and save that as a jpg. When youtube asks you for a picture upload that.

2. On song structure you have 5 verses and 4 choruses. The verses are cool and funny, but they seem to go over the same ground from different angles. That's OK, but it might be nice to break it up with a bridge maybe. And/or do a double chorus sometime. Just to break up the flow. You don't want to be too predictable. (The "Underneath the anger" verse would work well as a bridge. You're stepping back and explaining something. But as it rolls by like the other verses it doesn't seem special. )

Thanks for the feedback. I'll revisit the song and see if I can come up with something.

[Marshall]

Well. You don't have to take anything I say as "Gospel." Just suggestions. You're the writer. Go where you think it should go. Sometimes it's nice to get another perspective on what you're working on. I find whenever I submit something to a group critique, I end up discounting most of what people suggest. But there's almost always some thing worthwhile that I'd never come up with myself.