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Post by coachdoc on Dec 31, 2022 14:29:29 GMT -5
That advancing age makes typing on this phone tricky.
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Post by Village Idiot on Dec 31, 2022 21:42:20 GMT -5
Kim and I used to say that we were both too lazy to get divorced. Yes, that was joke.
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Dec 31, 2022 21:53:59 GMT -5
Kim and I used to say that we were both too lazy to get divorced. Yes, that was joke. My late wife and I joked that what kept us from divorcing was that neither of us wanted custody of the kids. |
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Post by aquaduct on Dec 31, 2022 22:17:48 GMT -5
My wife and I worked in a recording studio together before we were married and the woman who owned and ran the studio was married for decades to the co-owner and chief recording engineer who had spent decades debauching himself while on the road as a keyboardist while momma stayed home and raised thier two sons. At some point we got around to asking how the marriage survived all of that.
Her answer was, "When we got married, we agreed that there would be only one of us leaving the marriage at the end. Even if the one of us had to walk over the other's body with a still smoking 45."
That became part of our deal too. Which is why we don't own a gun.
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Post by amanajoe on Jan 2, 2023 12:42:14 GMT -5
Got married right out of college (1986). Had our first child in 1988 and by the time the second one came along (1991) the marriage was all but over. We tried for another year or so. Separated in late 1992. I was good with us just being separated until we could figure things out. We split all the stuff and lived in the same town just apart, so the kids could walk to my place in about 2 minutes without crossing any major roads. That continued until I got a knock on my door and a summons stating that the state was suing me for lack of support. I went to court with all my records to find out that she had told the state that I wasn't supporting them so she could get money from the state on top of me paying for her rent, electric, and extra money for the kids. It took the judge less than 30 seconds to make his decision upon seeing all the cancelled checks to my wife. The judge actually said to me that I was a good and honorable man and that he was sorry I got dragged into the court for my wife's lies. The case was immediately dropped and the state's attorney called social services right from the court room to get her cut off. The lawyer i had was a men's divorce rights association attorney, so he thought we'd give it a shot at getting her to sign a no-fault agreement. She hired an attorney. It took him a year and a half to send an agreement over for me to sign. My lawyer showed me the original we sent her and the "new" one he sent us after all that time. It was identical except that they demanded the state required child support figure of 28% of my take home pay. That was exactly $72 less a month than what was in the original agreement. That and I had to pay her initial retainer for her lawyer ($900) since she was now claiming mental duress was the reason for the divorce. We mostly avoided each other outside of me taking the kids every other weekend and for 2 weeks in the summer. She never managed a relationship more than 2 weeks with anyone else (and there were only a couple of those). She wore out all the other friendships and family relations with the constant borrowing of money and not working. She was in an auto accident about 12 years ago because of untreated diabetes (which she knew she had) and became a ward of the state and a burden to my daughter who got paid by the state to take care of her. She died in late 2021 due to complications from pneumonia (caused by the large number of drugs she was prescribed). Sue and I started dating in late 1995, I moved to St. Louis in late 1996 (where her company had transferred her) and we got married in 1998. All of our friends at the time said that marrying me had punched her ticket to heaven, that no sins she could commit would outdo that kind of absolution. |
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Post by dradtke on Jan 5, 2023 10:05:26 GMT -5
Dar and I were fortunate to be too poor to divorce at our worst of times. We're now at 46 years, though we started dating 5 years before that. Sounds like us. Apathy isn't bad in certain situations. But as John Cleese said about being turned into a newt, "we got better." |
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Post by dradtke on Jan 5, 2023 10:16:10 GMT -5
When Melva was practicing law she handled a number of divorces. I heard stories.
One of her clients (who loved Melva as an attorney) married a guy whose ex-wife had been Melva's client (he hated Melva as an attorney.)
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Post by Cornflake on Jan 5, 2023 13:15:03 GMT -5
Tangent: I had a recent conversation with a very old friend who's a very good guy. His wife of 39 years had recently died. For 29 of those years, she was disabled to the point that she didn't know who he was. He became a caregiver. He had the burdens of marriage without any of the benefits.
He wanted female company and part of him thought he was entitled to some. But he stayed faithful, primarily because he didn't want to lie to his children about having an affair and he also couldn't see telling them the truth.
You might think that he would feel like a burden has been lifted. Actually, he feels completely disoriented. He is trying to figure out how to live alone. His wife was the center of his existence for most of his life. When I start to whine, I remember the many people who have put up with far worse.
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Dub
Administrator
I'm gettin' so the past is the only thing I can remember.
Posts: 20,477 
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Post by Dub on Jan 5, 2023 18:12:37 GMT -5
Trying to come up with an entertaining way to relate things I'd rather forget isn't happenin’.
I fully understand how lucky I am now.
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Post by Cornflake on Jan 5, 2023 18:28:36 GMT -5
I know one thing about your marital history, Dub. You did very well the most recent time.
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Post by epaul on Jan 5, 2023 19:11:38 GMT -5
Divorce isn't just a split between two people, it can also happen with a group. Blending individual creativity within a group, within a band, can be a slippery pickle. Things came to a head with the Duck Band earlier this year, and painful as it was, we all agreed that a trial separation was needed. So we split up so we each could explore and develop our own personal creativity.
I tell you, that was a long week. We were back together by the next Friday. The creative exploration didn't take nearly as long as any of us expected it would and there really wasn't much anyone had to develop. Funny how a little time off can help you realize stuff.
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Post by t-bob on Jan 5, 2023 19:22:36 GMT -5
I have POSITIVE with my "two married" .........ex-wives 1970s The first was a teacher, artist, farmer, bakery chef, and a hot body - both of us were too young (she also had a younger sister)...... there's a little story - private - and I still think about the *** Late 1980s thru 2010 The second (the last) wife she was my friend 1985-90 and I got my son - 1/26/1991. She loved her son.... she didn't really care for her husband at all. I think she bought my spear/sperm. I know I'm NOT going to find another one........ wife ((possibly my next life)) I already have four or five really good women - companion, friend, advocate. It's been very difficult because almost everybody have moved, died, and the looooong pandemic sooooo slow. It's hard to find females now because ALMOST everybody so nervous still on the variant Covid19. And the females are about that dating in internet. |
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Post by dradtke on Jan 6, 2023 13:56:34 GMT -5
Divorce isn't just a split between two people, it can also happen with a group. Blending individual creativity within a group, within a band, can be a slippery pickle. Things came to a head with the Duck Band earlier this year, and painful as it was, we all agreed that a trial separation was needed. So we split up so we each could explore and develop our own personal creativity. I tell you, that was a long week. We were back together by the next Friday. The creative exploration didn't take nearly as long as any of us expected it would and there really wasn't much anyone had to develop. Funny how a little time off can help you realize stuff. I wasn't paying attention at that meeting and didn't realize until Thursday that we broke up. I'll admit, it was a tough afternoon. |
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Post by coachdoc on Jan 6, 2023 16:06:18 GMT -5
Ok. Let’s see. Married about 40 years to my current wife and extremely comfortable in this relationship and completely retired. Occasional music gigs at farmers markets, senior centers, coffee shops and such very little pay but enough to keep myself supplied with coffee and donuts but not enough to make any real difference in my life. My health is good but age and obesity demand attention and should preclude those donuts I just mentioned. Life is good. |
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Jan 6, 2023 16:10:05 GMT -5
Ok. Let’s see. Married about 40 years to my current wife and extremely comfortable in this relationship and completely retired. Occasional music gigs at farmers markets, senior centers, coffee shops and such very little pay but enough to keep myself supplied with coffee and donuts but not enough to make any real difference in my life. My health is good but age and obesity demand attention and should preclude those donuts I just mentioned. Life is good. Thanks for the correction. I thought you and Maureen (?) had been married way longer than the 4 years you said in your earlier post. |
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Post by Village Idiot on Jan 6, 2023 20:26:34 GMT -5
I wasn't paying attention at that meeting and didn't realize until Thursday that we broke up. I'll admit, it was a tough afternoon. If you would have answered my calls Wednesday evening, but never mind. I'm over it. Promise. |
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