Divorcées, Sound Off

[howard lee]

The Ian Tyson thread, with the reference to his divorce from Sylvia, got me thinking about my own divorce, in 1993. If you have been divorced, and feel like saying so, was it amicable or a nightmare on Elm Street?

If my ex-wife could have made a voodoo doll of me and stuck pins in it and twisted them around real good, she would have. So, I'd have to say mine was acrimonious.

Once our son reached the age of 18 and my support payments to her were no longer required (he'd come to me with no coat in 17-degree weather, but she renovated the kitchen and bath in her house), we didn't communicate much, and the last time I ran into her (with current wife and baby daughter) we didn't really say much. So, we haven't spoken for 15 years at least. We don't run into each other either, because she moved upstate the day after Hurricane Sandy.

[John B]

Mine was as amicable as I think a divorce could be. We did not have any children. We did a collaborative divorce under MO law, which requires everything to be agreed to before heading to the judge; if not, both sides have to start over with new attorneys. We probably spent way too much time and money trying to save the marriage before admitting it was time to split.

We still keep in touch; in fact, I just got a few of her mom's Thanksgiving recipes that were favorites of mine. We've been divorced for 12+ years now; we were together for 20 (married for 18).

[Russell Letson]

Ask my surviving brother--he's on marriage #3 (though this one has worked for about 30 years). Departed brother had two. My sister and I, with about 103 years of marriage between us, brought the family divorce average way down.

Four of our six closest grad-school friends had divorces--though the second marriages lasted for decades. (Forty-five years on, the survivors are still married, though one of the couples couldn't stand each other right up until the guy's death last year.)

I'm wondering whether the term "starter marriage" ought to be a Thing.

[Deleted]

Not there yet, but it's always a possibility.

[jdd2]

Brother, divorced once, never remarried, no kids.
Sis also once, never remarried, two kids.
Other sis, I think divorced 2-3? times, now not married, one kid
Me married, never divorced, two kids.

[Cornflake]

I got married at the age of 31. We're still married. Before that I had failed relationships with women but I didn't marry any of them.

On Facebook, I've heard from a lot of the women who preceded my wife. I expected some animosity but their general view seems to be amicable. None of us knew what we were doing.

[howard lee]

Dec 30, 2022 20:25:19 GMT -5 Cornflake said:

I got married at the age of 31. We're still married. Before that I had failed relationships with women but I didn't marry any of them.

On Facebook, I've heard from a lot of the women who preceded my wife. I expected some animosity but their general view seems to be amicable. None of us knew what we were doing.

You chose wisely, Don.

[Cornflake]

Thanks, Howard. Yes I did.

[howard lee]

PS: My ex-wife had been married twice before me. I should have seen that as a red flag. I was young and very stupid. Now I am old and very stupid.

[Cornflake]

"I was young and very stupid. Now I am old and very stupid."

I've made the same journey.

[aquaduct]

Dec 30, 2022 20:06:08 GMT -5 @pauls said:

Not there yet, but it's always a possibility.

Ditto.

[Rob Hanesworth]

Never been divorced, partly because I finally learned not to introduce my late first wife by saying "I'd like you to meet my first wife, Shari."

[t-bob]

A few Forumites --- "I was young and very stupid. Now I am old and very stupid." This occurs - two brains with men

I was very stupid and young.... I am old and a smidge stupid and has a smidge wisdom.... but my humor is the same thing ..... A lot of people doesn't understand my humor.

I have a couple of ex-wives - one of them is sorta ice queen and black spider.... she found him another Robert and he died and she got his money.....

My first ex-wife she was a nice person like a farmer girl... We were both incredibly in love but we were couldn't figure it out because we were very young - early 20s

I'm not going to get the third wife..... fingers crossed

[millring]

Dar and I were fortunate to be too poor to divorce at our worst of times. We're now at 46 years, though we started dating 5 years before that.

[Hobson]

Like Paul, not there yet. Not likely though. There are days when I get pissed off, but I get over it. I was 29 and he was 37 when we got married. Second marriage for him and I would say that his divorce was not amicable. We'll be celebrating our 40th anniversary in a couple of months.

[theevan]

I've only experienced it vicariously through Wendy. How she made 37 years is beyond me and testament to her grit. Now I understand why it took her a bit to completely let her guard down and trust me unreservedly

After 37 years with Nancy I laid on the den rug with her still-warm body and held her. In that moment I was overcome with thankfulness to God for the beauty of our life together. I actually shouted those praises aloud.

Life sucks, yes, but it is also very beautiful.

[Dan McLaughlin]

My wife divorced me in 2004. She said there was no one else, but she was actually hanging with the husband of her best friend and work colleague. They
lived down the street from us and their daughter was friends with our 2 kids. Go figure.

She got the house and all contents (I didn't want the kids to also lose their home and stuff) while I went off to a little (REAL little) "cottage" behind
a house owned by a retired teacher from the district that I worked at (who was about 80 then). It was a 5-minute drive from the kids but I only got
them once a week.

Oh well.

Both of our kids are young adults now and fine people. Lindsay is a social worker in Buffalo and married to a great guy. Luke is a fulltime substitute
teacher (so far - 1st job) with a physical sciences teacher's certificate on Long Island with a really great girlfriend. I wanted the best for both of
them and they have made me proud.

What more can I say.

I haven't seen my ex in about 4 years and am glad that I no longer pay child support/college tuition, etc.

And I am married to a great person now, so it has been and could be worse!

[coachdoc]

Ok. Let’s see.
Married about 4years to my current wife and extremely comfortable in this relationship and completely retired. Occasional music gigs at farmers markets, senior centers, coffee shops and such very little pay but enough to keep myself supplied with coffee and donuts but not enough to make any real difference in my life. My health is good but age and obesity demand attention and should preclude those donuts I just mentioned. Life is good.

[coachdoc]

Dec 31, 2022 14:23:42 GMT -5 coachdoc said:

Ok. Let’s see.
Married about 4years to my current wife and extremely comfortable in this relationship and completely retired. Occasional music gigs at farmers markets, senior centers, coffee shops and such very little pay but enough to keep myself supplied with coffee and donuts but not enough to make any real difference in my life. My health is good but age and obesity demand attention and should preclude those donuts I just mentioned. Life is good.

[coachdoc]

.