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Post by Bassman on Jul 1, 2013 16:07:15 GMT -5
Don't know how many of you have daughters here, but anyways....... My daughter turn 15 at the beginning of the year, since that time her and my wife seem to be getting into all the time. To tell you the truth it's to the point where it's getting difficult. It's like cats and dogs fighting all the time. Fighting over the littlest things, each one trying to get the last word in. I try to take my wife's side, but its getting to the point where she not always right. Alittle background on my wife. My wife's mother tossed my wife out when she was 16, along with her brother. to move in with another guy. My wife never blamed her mother, just the guy she moved in with, and still see nothing wrong with what her mother did, and to this day thinks her mother's a saint, if it was me I wouldn't be talking to my mother. Needless to say, when she was younger and growing up she and her mother never fought, so she really doesnt know how to handle it. I keep telling my wife, tell her your the grown up and that's the way it is, and walk away. But she just won't do that and has to keep at. A few people that I've talked to say, they fought with there daughter all the time. And now their as close as can be. But to me I'm getting to the point were they are both a pain in the ass, and I'm really over it. Any words of wisdom out there???
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Post by sekhmet on Jul 1, 2013 16:12:29 GMT -5
The best advice I can give is to stay out of it. You probably wouldn't understand anyway. Long walks, a hobby, or anything that will keep you out of the line of fire. It will work out in time. They will grow out of it.
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Post by Supertramp78 on Jul 1, 2013 16:13:56 GMT -5
I would ask your wife if this is the relationship she wants with her daughter for the rest of her life. There is only one person in that dispute that can be expected to behave like an adult and it isn't your daughter.
"I try to take my wife's side, but its getting to the point where she not always right." - Then take your daughter's side when she is right. Out of the three people involved, only one of you is the adult it would seem so when faced with two children fighting, take charge and pick sides and let the chips fall where they may. Pick honesty over loyalty. It is easier in the long run.
(on edit this is 180 degrees apart from Sek. But she has a daughter and I don't. Then again we never had any major arguments in our house so I find it all a bit alien)
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Post by Fingerplucked on Jul 1, 2013 16:17:58 GMT -5
The best advice I can give is to stay out of it. That's not just the best advice, it's the only advice. Mother/daughter fights are not supposed to make sense and are not supposed to have a winner and loser, or one who's right while the other is wrong. Just butt out, while you still can.
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Post by Doug on Jul 1, 2013 16:24:57 GMT -5
I don't know about mother/daughter fights as Chris is to wimpy to fight. But Mikel Ann and I fought like cats and dogs from the time she was 12 till she was out of the house, drove Chris crazy and she had to leave the room. If you aren't the one in it, then like Kate said stay out of it. Teenage daughters are nasty, evil, little bitches that we love to death I couldn't wish for a better parent/daughter relationship than I have with Mike.
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Post by Fingerplucked on Jul 1, 2013 16:36:06 GMT -5
Haley's about as good a teenager as anyone could ever wish for. But she's still a teenager. Fights happen. Sometimes they're predictable, sometimes they come out of the blue. Sometimes I know what the girls are fighting about, other times I don't understand what either one of them are talking about.
God gave men a basement for a reason. Use it.
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Post by Bassman on Jul 1, 2013 16:52:06 GMT -5
I like to stay out of them, let the two of them work it out. The part I hate is when both of them come to me, it like who can get to Dad first and tell him their side of the story. It's like two little kids fighting. It just make me want to scream.
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Post by Bassman on Jul 1, 2013 16:53:10 GMT -5
The boys were never like this
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Post by billhammond on Jul 1, 2013 16:53:41 GMT -5
I like to stay out of them, let the two of them work it out. The part I hate is when both of them come to me, it like who can get to Dad first and tell him their side of the story. It's like two little kids fighting. It just make me want to scream. Have you tried screaming?
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Post by Bassman on Jul 1, 2013 16:56:14 GMT -5
Just to let know, I rarely have a problem with my daughter when she with me, we could sit and talk for hours, sometimes I wonder if my wife feels threaten?
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Post by Bassman on Jul 1, 2013 16:57:22 GMT -5
More then once, even started pulling hair out.
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Post by kenlarsson on Jul 1, 2013 17:15:37 GMT -5
This too will pass.
Been there, done that. It gets better when the daughter moves out. Meanwhile stay out of it as much as you can.
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Post by RickW on Jul 1, 2013 17:56:09 GMT -5
We have arguments, but nothing really serious. My wife is a very strong, very opinionated personalty, and so the girls tend to tiptoe around her a bit. So far, it works out.
You might ask each seperately what they think is going on, and what the issue is. If you think there is a way forward, you can then try to negotiate. If not, as Sek said, let them work it out. You might let them know that it's getting to you, and see if the respect they have for you causes it to tone down.
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Post by iamjohnne on Jul 1, 2013 18:30:29 GMT -5
As the mother of two daughters, and three sons, I can feel your pain. But stay out of it. My daughters are wonderful now that they are mothers of my grandkids. They were not always wonderful. They will both eventually come around. You are right, the boys were never like that.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2013 19:01:45 GMT -5
I like Rick's answer. I'm not sure this is a gender specific issue, my reflexive opposition to my father at that age was strong and to some extent, his to me. I also like Jim's, (Fingerplucked's) basement idea.
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Post by Fingerplucked on Jul 1, 2013 19:07:21 GMT -5
I'm in the basement now. But only because I should be out back mowing the lawn I didn't get to.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2013 19:21:33 GMT -5
Claire and Kathy went at it a lot. Neither one lives comfortably in the world of "i'm wrong." Claire is marginally better at "I'm sorry" than Kathy is, but not by much. My tactic when I was around, and admittedly I haven't been around much at all for the last three years, was to let them get on with it. I largely stayed out of the way. I did once say to Kathy that expecting a teenage to behave rationally was not realistic. There are actually scientific studies out there that indicate teenagers just don't have the same thought patterns as adults, and tend to see things as more inherently dramatic and black and white. I remember reading that study and concluding, "no s%*t? What a jeanyis, the guy who wrote this!" I also asked Kathy once, particularly considering the above study, whether being right was worth ruining her relationship with her daughter in the long run. That, my friends, didn't go over so well, especially as I was getting back onto a plane the following morning to be gone for weeks again. Claire turned 18 in April, and is excited about going to college. She graduated magna cum laude from high school. She's been a huge help to Kathy for years while I've been absent. She's decided to major in business and minor in computers. She's keen to swim on the club team at Mizzou. She doesn't drink (erm - Kathy and I were both hell raisers as teens.) This was all expressed to me in a happy e-mail by Kathy about three weeks ago, which also included how proud Kathy was of Claire. My initial reaction was to reply, "Well, duh!" I was able to avoid my initial reaction. Moms and daughters have to work it out, I suppose. I think I was able to successfully tread a fine line between the both of them, and I did tell Claire once she was nuts if she thought I was going to take her side against my wife. Claire told me I that wasn't fair. I told her fair was the other F word that we're not supposed to use around the house. I've got two more daughters in the house, aged 10 and 5, so I reckon I have two more rounds of this. I plan to remain as supportive of both sides as I can. I also plan to keep a good single malt around at all times.
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Post by Cosmic Wonder on Jul 1, 2013 19:58:46 GMT -5
We have been really lucky with Katie, but there have been a few times. Staying out of it is a good idea, the times I have not stayed out of it I usually manage to muck it up more.
Mike
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Post by Supertramp78 on Jul 1, 2013 19:59:39 GMT -5
I've known a few women in my life that said, "My mom is my best friend!" Actually I've only known two and I haven't seen either of them in years. The other few score women I know would never let those words pass their lips.
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Post by Cornflake on Jul 1, 2013 20:04:32 GMT -5
This is interesting, and I sympathize, but I'm no help. We never had any of that with our two daughters. Rolling their eyes at how old-fashioned and conservative* we were was as combative as it got.
*Not politically, though wife was an R when we got married.
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