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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Apr 13, 2023 15:12:12 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Apr 13, 2023 20:27:32 GMT -5
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Post by millring on Apr 17, 2023 4:28:57 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Apr 18, 2023 15:55:10 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Apr 24, 2023 13:44:00 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Apr 24, 2023 13:45:59 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Apr 24, 2023 13:49:33 GMT -5
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Post by John B on Apr 30, 2023 8:21:59 GMT -5
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Post by james on Apr 30, 2023 22:34:25 GMT -5
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Post by Marshall on May 17, 2023 12:59:22 GMT -5
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Post by Marshall on May 17, 2023 13:00:18 GMT -5
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Post by Marshall on May 19, 2023 12:17:52 GMT -5
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Post by millring on May 20, 2023 5:34:08 GMT -5
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Post by Marshall on May 23, 2023 8:03:38 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on May 23, 2023 10:54:43 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on May 23, 2023 10:56:30 GMT -5
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Post by billhammond on May 23, 2023 15:43:34 GMT -5
Entire Company Under the Thumb of Low-Level Employee Who Stayed Sober at Every Happy Hour
COLUMBUS, OHIO (Onion News) — Describing a workplace where the 24-year-old used her knowledge of her coworkers to quietly pull the strings, sources confirmed Monday that the entire staff of Wellesley Enterprises was under the thumb of low-level employee Caroline Mayer, who stayed sober at every happy hour. According to reports, the teetotaling administrative assistant had assumed the role of office power broker after quietly amassing a mental log of all the damning drunken behavior of her fellow employees at company-sponsored events. Several sources indicated that a clear-eyed Mayer, who has never even taken a sip of alcohol, had dropped hints to her colleagues that she had seen them sneaking off to hook up, had kept track of who had done blow in the men’s room, and was aware of which married vice presidents had inappropriately touched their subordinates. At press time, Mayer had reportedly survived another round of layoffs.
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Post by billhammond on May 30, 2023 18:16:26 GMT -5
Onion News
BRYAN, Texas — As soon as she reported Tuesday to the federal prison camp where she is to be incarcerated, former biotech entrepreneur Elizabeth Holmes is said to have immediately defrauded the biggest, toughest inmate she could find in an effort to gain the respect of her fellow prisoners. “You’re getting in on the ground floor of a venture that will revolutionize the prison industry,” Holmes said as she walked up to the facility’s most feared convict and swindled her out of all her money, reportedly hoping to send a clear message that she was “nobody’s bitch.”
“This is a groundbreaking technology that will change the world while paying huge dividends on your initial investment of 30 packs of cigarettes. And if you give me just a small cut of your prison wages every week, I’ll make sure you’re drinking the finest hooch by the time we take the company public.” At press time, inmates were seen scattering in every direction after Holmes and her gang entered the prison yard armed with spreadsheets and asking who wanted to go all-in on a new venture.
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Post by John B on May 30, 2023 19:37:20 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Jun 2, 2023 14:57:00 GMT -5
LAST RIDE ON MY HARLEY
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look. She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!" "Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this." We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch with the Harley, I guess."
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