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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Dec 19, 2022 13:34:21 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Dec 19, 2022 13:37:39 GMT -5
I was stuck in a long line of traffic and a guy was coming down the line tapping on people's windows and talking to them. When he got to me I asked him what was holding up traffic. He said that Elon Musk was in a car up ahead surrounded by terrorists who were threatening to burn him alive if they didn't get $100,000, so he was going car to car to collect donations.
I asked him how much he had collected. He said "Ten gallons so far, but some people are still syphoning."
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Post by Marshall on Dec 21, 2022 23:34:47 GMT -5
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Post by coachdoc on Dec 21, 2022 23:49:59 GMT -5
My wife is a Hallmark movie channel devotee. Drives me a little batty. But every once in a while I get sucked in. |
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Post by millring on Dec 23, 2022 6:54:53 GMT -5
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Post by Marshall on Dec 23, 2022 12:42:36 GMT -5
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Post by Marshall on Dec 23, 2022 12:43:34 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Dec 23, 2022 13:18:45 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Dec 23, 2022 13:20:02 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Dec 23, 2022 13:26:46 GMT -5
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Post by jdd2 on Dec 23, 2022 17:51:31 GMT -5
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Post by John B on Dec 25, 2022 13:28:57 GMT -5
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Post by jdd2 on Dec 25, 2022 17:14:39 GMT -5
find rudolf  |
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Post by Marshall on Dec 27, 2022 11:01:42 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Dec 27, 2022 15:08:50 GMT -5
I don't know if these are real, but I fear they could be.
THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:
1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."
Source: Peter Dickinson
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Post by Cornflake on Dec 27, 2022 17:45:42 GMT -5
The 2022 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest award for Children's & Young Adult Literature:
"Winner
"Three bears arrived at their den to discover a yellow haired girl sleeping, and as she was neither too hot nor too cold, neither too soft nor too hard, but just right, they ate her.
"Neil Prowd, Ballarat, Victoria, Australia"
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Jan 1, 2023 19:21:38 GMT -5
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Post by majorminor on Jan 2, 2023 12:38:35 GMT -5
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Jan 2, 2023 14:52:27 GMT -5
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said,
"Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
"New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,
"Hi Keith."🤣🤣🤣
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Post by Rob Hanesworth on Jan 3, 2023 23:29:14 GMT -5
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